Sunday, December 30, 2007

2007 Goodbye and Good Riddance

2007 wasn't what one would call a "banner year" for me. Sure I managed to quit smoking. I got a new job as well. And that is about it for the good stuff. It was a pretty lame ass year for me. In fact, I am so looking forward to 2008 I can't even tell you.

For me, 2007 will forever more be known as "The Year of the Chub". I am starting the biggest loser exersice program on January 1. What? I really,really mean it this time. As opposed to all the other times this year that I said "this is it!". I can feel the determination in my bones, not to mention my newly aquired back fat. What the fuck is up with back fat anyway? I just don't like it. At all! So here's to 2008 - Where backfat will become a thing of the past and I will discover that I have a six pack (and I don't mean of beer, either).

So wish me luck. Okay, honestly, wish my family copious amounts of patience and understanding while I make their daily life a living hell.

2008 - Just can't wait. (That's for the cheese factor)

Monday, December 10, 2007

Winter Driving Sucks Ass

I have a bit of an issue with winter driving. The main thing is, I just don't like it. Never have. I get myself in such a tizzy when I see one little snowflake fall and I know I have to drive somewhere. Yes I know that it's not that hard and experience only make you better, yada yada, yada. This will be my 21st winter driving and I still don't like it. I may have reluctant experience but I am so far from confident it is a joke.

I think my fear started when I was 16, first year with my licence. I had to drive my Dad's truck to Tisdale from Star City. It was blowing pretty good that day and when I came to the Doghide River (I think that was the name of it - it has been so many years though now - the old memory just ain't what it used to be). There used to be a cement bridge that was arched. Anyhoo, the snow had made a large drift at the beginning of the bridge and when I hit it (probably going 100 km/hr because that is what the sign told me to go, dammit!) I totally lost control and went from one side of the bridge to the other (without hitting it, mind you) and then slamming into the ditch right into someone's front yard. I put a big dent in my Dad's truck door and I was so shaken. I managed to drive the rest of the way to Tisdale with tears blurring my vision as I imagined what kind of damage my Dad would do to my ass. Thankfully he was understanding and didn't give me hell, but he did make me drive home that night - get on the horse that bucked you off and all of that. This was the only winter accident I have ever had so I'm pretty sure that this is where my fear comes from. A fear of vehicles that can actually do things you don't want them to do in the winter.

Today I was supposed to go to Terrace to a course for work. I would have had to drive by myself in a little company car. The road to Terrace has, for a large part, the Skeena River on one side of you and a rocky mountain cliff on the other. Good fucking times. I checked the road report (freezing rain with compact snow with slippery sections) and the weather report for the next 24 hours (snow, snow, snow). I had to fess up to my supervisor at work today about my "little problem" because I wanted to throw up every time I thought about having to make the drive.

Now, everyone at work knows just what a moron I am truly am. It was only a matter of time, my friends, only a matter of time. You can only suppress what a freak you are for so long before it has to come busting out.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Oh Christmas Tree (Why are you so ugly?)

Last year after I set up the Christmas Tree I swore I was going to buy a new before I ever had to put it up again. As you can see, "Old Ugly" is still around. Partly I guess because I'm lazy, partly because I have better things to spend $200 just before Christmas and partly because next year we might be in a different house and I want to make sure I get the right size for the next house. When we packed up the house to make it more clutter free we also accidentally took the box with the ornaments to the old farm house as well. So not only is my tree ugly, it is also fairly naked.

I set up the tree on Sunday. It wasn't a good day. I made The Boy go under the crawl space to get the tree because he's short and small and while I am short, small I am not. I was afraid I would get stuck and have to live in the crawl space. If that happened I wouldn't be able to go to work anymore and my family would have to bring me food and water and entertain me all the time so I wouldn't get bored.....say? what was I thinking? That sounds like a damned fine plan. Well I guess there is always next year.
I made a trip into town to buy lights, becuase I remembered that the two sets I had last year didn't quite match, and I'm a very matchy kind of girl. While I was there I bought a couple of packages of gold coloured garland and some gold coloured balls, see? matchy, matchy! Anyway, I get everything home and plug the lights in. What do you know! I accidentally bought the kind that flash at whatever sequence you desire. Groovy. Me and Girlie were enjoying the Redneck Light show, when POOF! The damed think blew up. Fuck me! Now the tree has different shades of "clear" lights and only gold balls, bows and garland. Oh! don't forget the gold angel on top. PLUS! It is a short tree. A short, gold, light challenged, ugly tree. Sigh.
Posted by Picasa

Wednesday, November 14, 2007


I have this "thing" with towels. More specifically, how the towels are folded. They need to be folded in half, and in half again and then in threes. I don't know why this concept is so hard for some people (namely Mike) to grasp. Actually I'm pretty sure that Mike folds them wrong on purpose just so he can get out of doing that job. Whatever. The point I'm trying to make is that it is imperative that the towels in my house are folded the correct way or I start to go a leetle bit crazy. I get all jumpy and twitichy if I know that there are towels in the cupboard that are not folded right. Call me kooky, call me insane, call me Shirley. I really don't care. This is just one (okay, of many) quirks I have.

Today, Girlie learned the fine art of towel folding - and she mastered it. Cue the "Hallelujah Chorus"! She is obviously my flesh and blood. Someone other than myself can now fold the towels. Oh Happy Day! I think I'll go watch her for a little while. Sigh. My heart spilleth over.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

October is Over??? What the Hell?

I can hardly grasp the concept that tomorrow will be November already. Just where did the month of October go? I know it was here, I have the monthly bills to prove it, but damned if I can remember much of it. There were of course a few choice moments that stand out. The fact that Mike DID eventually make his way home. That really made me happy. I had just about had it with dealing with all the shit that comes with him being gone. After he got home we were REALLY (and I do mean really) busy getting the house ready to list. What? Didn' t I tell you? We be a movin. To an old farm house (more on THAT later) for a bit and then, hopefully, to town. And by town, I mean Smithers. We (which usually means "I") scrubbed and polished this house until it shone. I now have to wear sunglasses when I'm at home. It's that clean. I even took a toothbrush (maybe it was Mike's and maybe it wasn't - I'll never tell) to the window sills to clean the tracks. We also took loads and loads of stuff ( and by stuff, I mean a lot of junk we don't know what to do with) to the farm house so our house would have that spacious feeling that the Realtors are always pushing. And while it is clean and clutterless, it is also a daily job just to keep it that way. I.AM.EXHAUSTED!!! I am taking a week off work in November. I was going to use it to spruce up the farm house, but frankly I think I'll just spend the whole damned week in the bathtub with an excellent book and a beer or two.

Tonight is Hallowe'en and I am thinking about my Grandpa Elmer. Today is his birthday. He would have been 87. Wow. He died 15 years ago in November. I can't believe he has been gone that long. My kids never got to meet him, and that makes me sad. He was a BIG drinker and he liked to pinch the ladies boobs - but we loved him anyway. Every year my Grandpa and Grandma would have a great big party. People would drop in and out all evening and well into the night. Grandma would make a turkey with all the fixin's as well as her famous popcorn balls, while Grandpa would hold court down in the rumpus room that usually held a couple of tables full of 10-off rummy or guts players. I loved Hallowe'en. It was a family holiday through and through. Now? Hallowe'en has lost it's shine. I sit here on the computer while Mike watches TV in another part of the house and my own kids are trick or treating with their friends in town. I get irritated when I have to run up the stairs to give out treats to a bunch of kids who can't even take the time to say thank you. But probably I am just irritated because I sit here alone during a holiday that used to mean so much. Sometimes reminiscing can really make you sad.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Disappointment Squared

Tonight I am kind of sad. Mike was supposed to come home from his hunting camp (where he has been for the past 6 weeks) on Monday. The float plane couldn't pick them up because of the bad weather. Tuesday they tried again - no luck. Wednesday they at least got the hunters out but there wasn't enough room for Mike and the guides and the float plane couldn't make another trip because of the goddamn weather. You suck, weather! (imagine me shaking my fist to the ceiling). Hopefully he will get out tomorrow because if he doesn't I might just have to cry a little bit and I don't like crying - it makes me look really ugly.

The hunters that came out were the ones that were delayed going in for four days prior to the hunt. They really got on my last nerve. I'll call them The Two Shitheads, Rat Bastard and Give Me A Fucking Break! They all missed their flights yesterday so I had to drive out to the airport to have everyone's flights rebooked. One of the Two Shitheads wife kept calling me and complaining about them not getting home. Like calling me everyday and leaving me 4000 emails and wanting to know if they will get reimbursed, etc. I don't have the patience for The Two Shitheads or their wives. Sheesh. They got back to town and then had me and our expediter running all over town for coolers and duct tape and bubble rap and hamburgers. Sigh. Now on the other hand The Two Shitheads were a piece of cake compared to Rat Bastard and Give Me A Fucking Break. I also rebooked their flights, but they didn't want to fly out tonight (whinier than a two year old), so they expected me to rearrange their flights for them, I gave them Air Canada's number and to them to Fuck Off. Not really, but I wanted to. They are scheduled to leave tomorrow morning. In a secret sick kind of way, I sort of wouldn't mind it if their flight gets fog delayed tomorrow just so I could smugly say "Should have listened to me sucka!" Really though I think I will just be glad that they are leaving town. Hell, even better - leaving the country.

Mike better get out tomorrow because the lake where the float plane has to land is going to start freezing up pretty damn soon and they are getting low on food. They have already run out of firewood. Which is not as dire as it sounds as they are in the middle of a forest, but the have been having to chop down trees to keep warm. Their cooking propane is also starting to get low - not that Mr. Great White North couldn't cook over a wood stove but propane is so much easier. I guess I should look at it as it has already been six weeks, what is another couple of days, but I'm so disappointed.

I miss him. Sniff, sniff.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Pressure Cooker

Watch out! She's gonna blow! At least that is what it feels like. I always used to love September. My parent's were farmers and September always meant excitement, hurry up and go and family dinners in the field sitting on the tailgate of the pick-up truck. I loved the whole shebang. It just didn't get any better for me. When I moved to BC I missed it so much and then when Mom and Dad sold the farm in the mid 90's I was devastated. I knew that the chances of experiencing another harvest would be slim to none. Now I know what Mom and Dad went through during that seemingly harmless month of fall - STRESS and alot of it! Not that I am a farmer or doing any kind of harvesting but since Mike is a guide outfitter and our whole livelihood depends one ONE month of the year, I can understand that probably harvest wasn't as much fun for them as it was for me.

Not only am I working full time (at a job that is sucking the ever-living joy out of me) but I am expediting for Mike. This basically means alot of running around in circles and shaking my fist at the heavens, shouting "Why? Why do you hate me?" There is just so much to worry about. Do I have the itineraries for all the clients? Who is picking them up at the airport? What if their hotel lost their reservation? Did I pick up the correct groceries (like 2 carts at a time) and get them boxed up and delivered in time? How are the clients getting to the floatplane base? What happens if their luggage gets lost? What do I do with the meat when they come out of the bush? Oh, so you shot a moose and want to take it home with you...but you don't have a cooler or any way to transport it? Lovely - let me take it home for you where I will attempt to hoist 200 pounds of meat into my freezer and then pack it all up in MY cooler so you can take some fucking meat home. Did I mention that I have to pack this heavy cooler UP some stairs and out to the truck and then HOIST it up to the tailgate - lovely sight, let me assure you. When do I need to pick up the licences government agent's? When am I going to be able to clean my house? When do I feed my children? Do I have enough liquor to get me through? All very important questions.

I've done this for five years now. I should be an old hand. Sadly, I think I get a little more panicked every year - I start hyperventilating in July just thinking about it. AND to top it all off - we are putting the house up for sale when Mike gets out of the bush. I'm seriously going to pop a vein. We are moving to an OLD farm house out in the country. I am excited about it, but the amount of work that goes into selling a house is getting me itchy. I am looking at our house with new eyes. Why don't we have laminate floor? I don't really like the stuff, but EVERYONE has laminate floor and nobody will buy our house without the godforsaken stuff. I have convinced myself of this. How about that goddamn burn on the ugly green arborite counter top (that I cleverly disguise with a butcher block cutting board). What about the hole in our bedroom door (that looks suspiciously fist shaped, but Mike - who originally bought this house with his ex wife - insists that a bed frame punched it while they were moving - whatever), what about the ugly mural in the laundry room that a previous owner painted (who in the H, E, double L paints a landscape in their god damned laundry room?). How about the fact that the whole house needs a repaint and I can so fit that into my schedule this month, never mind my budget - just so new owners can come in and REpaint it again! Never mind that the outside of the house needs washing and the yard needs some serious attention. I haven't even entertained the thought of packing up some o' my junk to make the place seem more spacious.

AND, to top it all off - I seem to be losing my hair. Fuck me. A round patch, at the front of my forehead (which may turn into a fivehead soon). There are now words. and I'm still flipping fat. Oh, yeah. Shellie and I are starting weight watchers today. Whoot! Can you feel my excitement?

On the up side, I haven't started smoking again. Which is a miracle in itself because I am so fucking close - I can't even tell you.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Fourteen Candles

This is such an old picture of The Boy. He obviously does not like his picture taken very much. This is the only picture I could find of him by himself. I can't believe he turned 14 today. My God! I remember 14 - vividly. YIKES.
My boy is on a fishing trip with his step-grandpa right now. I really hate not having him here to celebrate his birthday with. I am sure he is having a blast catching all of those 20 pound trout and he is doing exactly what he would want to be doing on his birthday.
I am very proud of they boy he was and the teenager he is becoming. Some days I can even glimpse the man he will become. He is an old soul with alot of compassion. He is growing up so very fast into a dependable and solid young man. I can only hope that his remaining teenage years are kind to him and that he can look back on that time with affection and joy. He is very bright and quite sensitive. I know there will be broken hearts and unrealized dreams along his path and I hope they don't wear down his spirit.
He holds a special place in my heart. He was the baby that made me a mother and he is the child that I get to experience all of the "firsts" with (as well as make all my mistakes on). I hope the coming year will bring him everything he hoped for. I love you booger!

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Happy 12th Birthday My Girl

Girlie turned twelve today. I can't quit explain the way this makes me feel.

The first feeling that comes to mind is old. She's my baby, and she is twelve. I will don't ever plan on having more kids so I really cherish all the milestones that she hits. The first twelve years went so very fast, I know now that the next 6 will speed by equally as fast and before I know it she will be on her own. I am really trying to take everything in and commit it all to memory. She is at such a fun age right now.

The second feeling is pride. She is good girl. She is kind and considerate. She is respectful of her parents and (I hope) her teachers, too. She is helpful when I ask her to do something for me. She is eager to please but definitely has a stubborn streak (don't know WHERE she gets that from!). She likes her room messy and her food without onions. She is witty and fun to be around. She gets my jokes and can crack me up on a regular basis. She is quirky and gjggly. I love being her Mom.

Too bad that she had to spend the one day of the year that is her's to have to get braces on. I'm sure she will thank me for this VERY expensive present when she turns 18 or so. Happy Birthday my girl! I love you.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Fat Free

I went to the doctor a while back because I had been experiencing some pain under my right rib cage that radiated into my back and upper right shoulder. I went for an ultrasound and although I don't have gallstones, my gall bladder is inflamed. So! She put me on a fat free diet for two weeks. She kept asking me "Are you sure you can eat absolutely no fat whatsoever, and I mean no fat for 2 weeks"? I reassured her over and over again that "Of course I could!" Whaaaa. What the hell did I sign up for?

Do you know how hard it is to eat absolutely no fat? I've been living on rice cakes, veggies, fruit and very lean meats. You would think I would be dropping the weight, wouldn't you? Sad to say not much more than a couple of pounds.

Because, beer is also fat free.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007


So it's been a little while. Sorry about that. I've been a bit busy. Eating and drinking beer and gaining a wee bit more weight. You know how some people write blogs to chronicle their weight loss? I've always been the kind of person to go against the flow. I wish people would start writing about gaining the flab, and then I will all be like "fuck that!, I'm not the same as all of them losers! I'm gonna lose weight and write about that instead!" Or something like that. So as you can tell, the South Beach sucked the big one. Apparently you have to follow it precisely...whatever. I have a bit of a problem when people tell me what to do. Just one more quirk that makes me so damned loveable.

I.Bought.A.New.Car. Yeah Baby! I am in LOVE! 2007 Jeep Compass in Inferno Red. It sounds so sexy! I keep trying to justify the purchase by the fact that I hated my old piece of shit so intensely needed to buy it before I went psycho on its ass and took a baseball bat to it. Funny story. When I traded it in (for a whopping 500 bones) the salesman got in and shut the door and pulled the door handle right off (so I really couldn't complain about the $500)

Here she is... TA DA! (Isn't she cute?)

My parents and my sister and her fiance came for a visit for the July long weekend. It was so nice having them here. We golfed a bit, toured around and ate alot. We got to show off the views and the wildlife. On Saturday, Shellie, Chris, Mike and I went quading with Mike's step-sister and her husband. It was SOOO much fun. We just bought the quad a couple of weeks ago and I have found my new favourite thing to do...ride in the bitch seat on the back of the quad and take in all the sights and not have to pay too much attention. And we got to drink beer - it was a good day.

Getting ready to ride again after a beer stop

The dam at Fulton Lake

So the weekend was fun and I miss them all now. When they left on the Monday, Mom and Dad took Girlie and The Boy with them to Kelowna for most of July. I was pretty sad to see them all go! It is a tad too quiet round these parts now! The kids, however, are having a blast using the pool at Grandma and Grandpa's (and getting a little spoiled too, I'm sure!)

Mike and I went camping to Babine Lake with some friends on the weekend and even slept in a tent!

Wouldn't you know it, we woke up to pouring rain on Sunday? Packing up a wet tent is not my idea of a good time. So I let Mike do it. We had alot of fun anyway.

Mike cooking over the fire

Frick and Frack our crazy friends

Later in the afternoon we took the new Argo for a ride around Mike's Dad's farm. He is getting it helicoptered in to his camp this weekend so we didn't have much time to play with it but it sure was fun while we could enjoy it. It goes over EVERYTHING! Even logs and swamps. Too much fun.

I have a couple of more weeks to work before we head to Kelowna and Calgary to pick up the kids and take a WHOLE week off of work. I cannot wait! Thanks for checking in and promise to update a bit more often than I have been.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Lard Ass in a Can

So the diet is going good. I can feel the difference already and it has only been one week. I have made it halfway through the weekend without caving in and calling on my little buddy Molson so that's a good thing. However, it IS hot here today and I AM going to a bonfire tonight. We'll see. I am not known for my willpower that is for sure. I am getting pretty sick of eggs and lettuce, but I am fairly certain I can make it one more week without any kind of carbs at all. Next Monday morning I am sooo gonna have me some oatmeal though! For all of my American friends, that there picture is of the best beer. Evah!

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Hitting the Beach

I've come to the sad realization that my sister's wedding is in less than 3 months and if I don't do something about my huge ass now, it will be too late and I'll be wearing my bridesmaid dress like a sausage casing. I've decided to give the South Beach Diet one more try. Hell, I've only been on it about 10 other times. What's one more? It did work pretty well for me the first time. The other 9? Not so much. I never made past the weekend before I cheated and then just gave up completely. You can't drink any beer on this diet. That is my downfall. How can you golf without the beer? How can you camp without the beer? How can you do laundry without the beer? I love the beer, and well I have a huge ass to prove it.

So! No beer, no potatoes, no bread, no crackers, no rice, no sugar, no fruit. I'll be eating a TON of eggs and meat and cheese and almonds and butter and loads of veggies. Sounds easy, you may think. Trust me, it's HELL! Anyway I'm now on the clock and I will let you all know how I fared in two week time. I'm even making Mike take the scale away so I will have a nice surprise when I step on it again. Well, I BETTER have a nice surprise when I step on it again, that's all I can say.

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Hell in a Handbasket

What did I say about loving natural disasters? I take it back. If I would have thought even for one moment that my golfing days would be over for the foreseeable future, I surely wouldn't have been as excited as I was. Just look at this...

How in the hell am I supposed to go out with my friends to laugh and swear and drink beer now? I just isn't fair. Look at this shit,

fuck sakes!

Not only is the golf course flooded, there is water everywhere that there should not be water. Except my basement. Of which I am eternally grateful (Thank you lord Jesus!)

Our little town even made the "National News", and trust me, that's the BIG TIME!! Here are a few more flood pictures (not that they mean much if you have nothing to compare them to, but humour me)

This is the bridge at Telkwa

This is the Chicken Creek bridge at Dohler Flats. Chicken Creek, I shit you not. I told you I live in the sticks!

On the bright side maybe I'll lose some weight if I can't drink so much beer with my friends while I am golfing. Oh, who am I kidding, sitting around and speculatin' about the disaster we are experiencing is excuse enough for drinking some beer.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

My Sister is a Saddist

It sounded like such a great idea last night. Shellie and I were chatting on the phone, I was complaining (its ceaseless, really) about the size of my ass and how I can't even stand myself anymore. So Shell has this great idea. We need to start a running program. Well to clarify, I need to start, she just needs to pick it back up. I was like - Yeah man! I can so do that. Ha. She even got my kids in on it to police me and to report back to her if I didn't do it. As soon as I walked in the door after work today, Girlie was all "get out there and start running!" Little punk. She can go live with her mean Auntie me thinks. So run I did. Well walk-walk-run-walk-run-walk-walk - you get the picture. I.Was.Dying. My head just about popped off. I started seeing stars. Also, imagine my embarrassment as I'm running down Coalmine Road with my huge ass swaying behind me and meeting hordes of people coming home from work. Hey Shell? Or should I say "Be-yatch", I better wake up 5 pounds lighter tomorrow, that's all I can say!

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

There are just no words....

Picture if you will...6:30 Tuedsay evening. My kitchen. Me in soap suds up to my elbows. Girlie working a dish towel like nobody's business. Song comes on the radio - me and Girlie look at each other. Hand are quickly dried. Mother and dauther are suddenly dancing around the kitchen slapping our asses and singing along to "My Humps".

I have sunk so low....

Thursday, May 24, 2007

The River is a Rising

The river that runs through my town is getting’ mighty high! We are on flood watch because we had 150% above the normal snowfall and most of it still has to come down them there mountains. Because I have never seen it quite so high, at least not in recent memory I thought I would take a walk around town and take a few pictures.

It is kind of hard to see in the light, but trust me, the water is flowing very, very fast.

There is all kinds of debris (mostly trees) floating down the river as well. I was able to capture this huge tree flowing very fast by me.

Again it is hard to tell, but it is at least 20 feet long.

And just to be nice, I’ll put in a shot of the park by the river. It is so pretty there.

I don’t know what it is about natural disasters, but I find it all very exciting. What the hell is wrong with me? Don't answer that.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

I've Had a Bit of a Shitty Day...

It all started at 6:30 this am when I went to turn the water on in the shower and NOTHING came out. fuck. So off I go to work with hair that is getting greasier by the second. I was starting to look like the Fonz (but without the thumbs up). Who needs hair gel? Just live in Telkwa and you are good to go! Then! just because God was smiling on me today, it just happened to be Welfare Wednesday! Joy! I don't even know how to explain my day at work except that the first time I looked up at the clock it was 12:00 and the next time it was time to go home. It was CRAZY busy. Now, let me be the first government worker to say that I have NEVER had a job so demanding as this one. The next time I hear someone dis the government workers for not doing anything, oooh, I'm gonna punch em in the freaking throat! Oh! and to top it all off? I get one of our homeless dudes asking me if I have any Indian in me. I say not a bit, and he says "Want some". PUKE!!! Okay, day is done, off I go home. I'm driving across one of our three stop lights and I look over and see this crazy lady walking against the light? How RETARDED! Rush hour in Smithers, come one! You are looking to get yourself killed! All joking aside, I looked back up and WHAM! right into the back of a Dodge Neon. fuck me. First accident in 19 years. The high point of the day was I didn't get a ticket, and I didn't lose any points off of my good driving record. Scratch that, there was no high point. The cops came and gave me my ticket the next day! Arrgh! The lowest point was when I realized that this little fender bender probably totalled my 1992 Chevy Blazer (piece of shit) because it is not worth more than , oh say, $500 fucking dollars! fuck! I hope you all feel really sorry for me!

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Road Trip!

I had to drive to Terrace on Monday for work. The drive takes about 2 hours (if you drive the speed limit - which I did because I was driving my work vehicle AND I was getting paid for it - so the longer the better, I say!). When I drove down (or is it over?) it was raining and sleeting the whole way. What the hell? Sleet you say? In May? That's fucked up. Yes indeed my friend, it sure is. Not only was the weather crappy but the radio reception was so bad sometime I couldn't even get CBC. I have to tell you how much I truly hate CBC. I only have to hear it for like, one second and I can tell I am listening to that utter shit. Seriously - what is up with the announcer's and the way they ALL talk alike, almost in slow motion or maybe they are all just stoned on some good weed - whatever. I.Hate.It! So! for my drive home today, I stopped in at the Wal-Mart (I love you Wal-Mart!) and decided I needed to buy some CD's to listen to for the drive home.

So here I am looking through all the Chart Hits and nothing is really screaming at me to buy it, so I go over to the next aisle and I catch a glimpse of...oh, my god! Could it be? Hallelujah! Alabama's Greatest Hits. What? I seriously think Alabama is the greatest band of all time (well right up there with Nazareth, Def Leopard and Bon Jovi in any case).

It was like porn for my ears! I sang all the way home. Good thing I was alone, that is all I can say. Mike would agree. But, beware Mike, next time you drive me home after I have had a few beers and feel the urgent need to sing, I swear you will agree that my rendition of "Song of the South" should be showcased on Canadian Idol - and not the "Worst Of" episode, either. I rocked the house Baby! If you know me and know how I am totally tone deaf you probably find this a little humorous.

"Song, song of the South, sweet potato pie and shut my mouth" Is that not some of the best lyrics you have ever heard? I don't exactly know what they mean by it, but DAMN! it sure is fun to sing. It will now be stuck in your head ALL day. Your welcome!

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

20 Pounds - Holy Freaking Shit!!!

A few posts back I noted that I had gained 10 pounds after quitting smoking. Well as of today, I have officially gained twenty.freaking.pounds. What.The.Fuck?!? I haven't stepped on the scale for awhile, so imagine my stunned surprise. I should have known, it's not like my pants are getting tighter on me as a joke that they thought would be funny. Nope, no joke. My ass is large. Really, really large. In fact today I kept thinking someone was following me, but nope - just my large ass.

Well the buck stops here! I will NOT gain anymore weight. Not only will I not gain, but I will lose. LOSE! I TELL YOU!!! I'll let you know how it's going with "My Incredible Shrinking Ass" chronicles. I know you just can't wait to hear about my ass size, so stay tuned!

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

The Old Man and the Sea(food)

We spent the past few days in Victoria on Vancouver Island. Mike had his annual Guide Outfitters convention. I was also my Dad's 60th birthday on Friday, so we convinced Mom and Dad to come over to spend it with us in Victoria. I'm sure glad we did. It was nice having Mom and Dad there to do touristy things with while Mike was in meetings all day. I got there two days before Mom and Dad did, so I was able to get my shopping fix taken care of without having to drag them around the mall oohing and aahing over everything I saw. When you live in the frozen north, far far from anything that resembles a mall, you kind of get overwhelmed when you are actually in one. SO! I bought, shirts! and Shoes! and Purses! and clothes for the kids. It was alot of fun. I even took the CITY BUS!!!! Okay, It may not seem like such a big deal to most people, but when you come from a town that has 3 stoplights it was kind of exciting.

We got to eat fancy dinners and wear fancy clothes and drink fancy drinks (okay, so now you know that one is not true - you can't get very fancy with beer, BUT I did drink it out of a glass - so I guess it was kind of fancy) and we got to sleep in a hotel and our room was on the 15th floor so we had a view and everything. We were living the high life!

Mom and Dad flew down on Thursday night so we were only able to see them for a short time in the evening when we went out for dinner at The Old Spaghetti Factory. I love that restaurant. You get lots of food and it is really good. Dad's birthday was Friday and Mike was in meetings most of the day. Mom and Dad and I walked around the harbour and went to Madame Trusaud's Wax Museum which was pretty neat. We also took in a restored castle (which was awesome!) We rode the CITY BUS!! to that too. This one was a double decker and Dad decided he would probably not get another chance (because he is 60 after all) so he headed on up to the top deck. And then like the yokels we are, Mom and I had to yell up to him when it was our stop. But the castle was so cool. It is called Craigdarroch Castle and was originally a private residence. The owner, who in 1908 had $20,000,000, had it built. That's ALOT of money in that day and age. Then we wandered around the city and found a Gelato Store that had 66 Flavours of Ice Cream. You heard me - Sixty-freaking-six! We were in awe. We even had to phone Mike on the cell and make him come find us because we couldn't believe our eyes!

Funny story, while we sitting on the sidewalk cafe eating our icecream I was showing Mom some pictures on my digital camera. She was looking at them and then handed me the camera back saying that she just got to a picutre of some guys in suits. It turned out the men in suits was a picture from the wax museum. She thought it was a picture from Mike's convention when in fact it was Jean Cretian, JFK, Nixon and Deifenbaker. Oh man, did we bust a gut!

THEN! we went for some seafood for Dad's birthday dinner. Now when I say seafood I mean, sea!food! We had platters with lobster, Alskan king crab legs, halibut, lobster stuffed mushroom caps and prawns! I even took a picture because it was so unbeleivable delicious. No, we don't get out all that much.

On Saturday Mom and Dad and I toured the Royal BC Museum, which is a pretty cool place. They cover everything from dinosaurs and animal displays to pioneer times. After that we sadly said good bye. Mike and I had to go to his banquet and we were flying out early the next morning. Mom and Dad went and ate some MORE seafood (do you get the title now?) and Mike and I had another fancy dinner and I even got to wear heels! We had to get up at 3:30 the next morning to catch our flight home so we had a very ealy night.

I hope Dad doesn't get alzheimer's too soon so he won't forget his awesome birthday for awhile!

Saturday, March 17, 2007

I am a Slacker (But a "Blessed" Slacker)

I have been soooo lazy lately. This quitting smoking thing has really sucked the life out of me. Either that or it is all the stress in my life that I was naively ignoring - until I broke out in Eczema all over my body. I look so hot right now - what with the eczema and the extra 10 pounds I have gained since I quit smoking. You should all feel so jealous!

Anyhow, back to why my life is blessed:

1) I have Mike who loves me very much and who I love equally as much. (AND he puts up with the extra 10 pounds and the ugly skin and the moody bitchiness that sometimes overcomes me!)

2) I have two parents that are STILL together after 40 years AND still love each other! AND they still phone me at least once a week. We all actually like each other. Amazing!

3) This probably should have been number one, but I am to lazy(see above) to move it to the top - I have two GREAT kids who are polite and mind their mother. Not to mention they have great senses of humour and still laugh when I burp really loud. PLUS they don't tell me to shut up when I am singing along to the radio. PLUS they still want bedtime kisses and "I Love You's" at night.

4) I have a great job. With great pay and great benefits. Great.

5) My sister is my friend. I am so puzzled when people tell me that they don't even talk to their siblings. I just don't get that. Shellie is one of only a few people that knows where I am coming from and gets my sarcasm for what it is - a feeble attempt at humour.

6) I was so lucky to grow up in a small town in Saskatchewan that gave me roots. A place that not only I belong to but my entire family (as far back as I can relate) belonged to as well. It gave me security, confidence and a value system that I rely on.

7) I have a great house and have made it into a real home. One that I am proud of.

8) I have the best friends anyone could possibly ask for. Some of which I don't see often enough or talk to regularily (Deanna, Sherrie, Karen) and some I see at least once a week (Cindy, Jenny) but they all me so much to me and I would do anything for anyone of them. I got your backs Babes.

9) I am healthy (well apart from the eczema, obesity and sporatic psychosis) and I am taking steps to keep myself that way.

There are a ton more ways that my life is blessed, but frankly I am just too lazy to keep on typing. I will really try harder to be a more frequent updater. Just so you all know - I is easy to leave me a message in the comments - just click on comments at the bottom of this post. I would love to know why your life is blessed!

Monday, February 05, 2007

To My Big Sister On Her 39th Birthday!

Happy Birthday Shellie! Can you believe you are 39? Holy freaking shit - you are getting old! It seems like just yesterday that you were bossing me around, oh wait, that was yesterday...just kidding. Seriously though, it doesn't seem possible that so many years have passed since we were little stubble jumpers growing up in good old Saskatchewan. Brings back memories, that is for sure.

Remember how we learned how to drive the truck in the field - when we were like EIGHT!!! I don't think girlie could even ride her bike when she was eight! And how we had to drive meals out to the field and we thought we were so cool because we were driving. On the grid road. And we were 12 or so? Good times!

Remember how we used to drive that old snowmobile of Dad's around and around the yard. Well, you drove it around and around, me and Darcie were usually dragging behind holding onto ropes. And you would try and hit all of those big, hard snow drifts? Good times!

Remember how we used to take that old tape recorder you had and have singing contests. To the Grease Soundtrack? Even though neither one of us could sing our way out of a wet paper bag. And you always declared yourself the winner? Good times! p.s. I found and old tape of us singing. I think it would be great to show your new in-laws your exceptional talent at your upcoming wedding. Oh yeah, baby - good times!

Remember in high school when you had all those cool clothes that Grandma liked to buy you, but you never let me were them? And one time when you stayed overnight at Grandma's and I came to school the next day wearing your clothes? And you beat me up in the hallway? Oh yeah - Good times!

But through it all - the good memories and the bad, I'm glad to share them all with you. I am lucky to have you for a big sister and I am even luckier to have you for a friend. Happy Birthday Shell! Love ya!

Friday, January 26, 2007


I got the freakin job! Can you believe it? I can't. I'm in total shock. Yes, as a matter of fact, I am a little bit lacking in the self confidence department! I wasn't even holding out any hope at all. I was resigned to the fact that I definitely did not get it. Who knew? Now I can give an even bigger sigh of relief. Now I just have to make it through the next week to make sure that none of the other applicants appeal the decision.

I tell you - 2007 is going to be MY year! I quit smoking, got a new job, my divorce *will* be finalized (that is a whole other blog entry). Who knows what else, but I can feel good things coming my way!

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Interviews Suck the Life out of Me

On Tuesday I had an interview for a new job. Not that I don't like my old job, I do. In fact I love it. Unfortunately it is only seasonal (Apr-Sep) and it is not permanent. They could decide to cut that position at any time and I would be out on my ass.

So back in OCTOBER(!) I applied on a full time permanent position with the provincial government. It is for the Supervisor of Administrative Services with the welfare office. I seriously think I am out of my mind. Anyhoo - I had an interview (ON TUESDSAY!!!). Count 'em - 3 months to be contacted for an interview. That is typical government speed. So the pay would be great and the benefits would be great but the stress level and work load are apparently quite horrendous. I really debated wether or not to even apply for the job, but I decided to go ahead and let fate decide.

I totally stressed myself out over the interview AND studied my ass off. If you knew me at all, you would find this odd, as I am a master procrastinator and always put things off to the last minute. I get to the interview on Tuesday thinking I am well prepared. I dressed up in a smart black suit and even remembered to use the lint brush right before I walked out the door. I though I had it in the bag. My interview was schedule for 9:00. They asked me four questions. Four retarded questions. That was that and I was out the door in 20 minutes! I totally bombed. I mean really! What the hell! Here is one of the inane questions they asked. "Tell us about a time you received information or facts that affected decision you had already made". ???. Okay, maybe some people can think on their feet. I am not one of those poeple. I'm not really sure that they were after with that doozy. I spouted some mumbo jumbo about finding out procedures had changed after I had followed the old ones. Pretty sure I bombed. Anyhow, I still can't think of a good example.

I am soooo glad I can relax and breathe again. My head is no longer a light shade of purple. Stress sucks and interviews suck even more. I don't think I will do another one of those for a while.

If I actually get this job it will be a miracle.

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Disneyland Rocks!

I'm slacking off on my updates. Actually I'm just now over my exhaustion from all of our travelling. We left Kelowna on December 27th enroute to Calgary where we would embark on our trip to Southern California. The roads were good until we hit the Rockies. After that they were pure hell. Cars in the ditch everywhere! However, we made it safe and sound and spent the night at the swanky Travelodge in Calgary South (so far from swanky, I can't begin to tell you! The bathtub would not drain, and I can't even begin to imagine what was plugging it up). We had a three hour flight to LAX and then waited another hour for our shuttle bus to take us to the hotel. By the time we checked in it was midnight. We were all starving and tired. Not a good mix. Not to mention that I had my last cigarettle ouside of the Los Angeles International Aiport. I thought it would be a great time to quit. Is there ever a good time to quit? So I was dying for a smoke as well. We ended up ordering mediocre pizza and chicken strips for J.

The hotel we stayed at was awesome. We stayed at the Marriott Residence Inn Maingate. They are 8-plex condos with full kitchens and your own private entrance. They even had a sepatate bedroom with two queen beds. Mike and I ended up on the hide-a-bed in the living room. That way we could watch what we wanted on TV and the kids could watch what they wanted on theirs. The only drawback was that there was only one bathroom, and one bathroom and six people does not always work so well. The hotel has an outdoor heated pool which the kids lived in and two hot tubs. One of which was right out our door. Mommy liked that! The hotel offered a full buffet breakfast every moring as well, so we filled our boots with eggs, bacon hashbrowns and french toast every morning! You would have thinked we would have gained weight on the trip but we walked out asses off every day. The first couple of days, me and the kids were so sore we had to rely on the magical qualities of Advil.

Disneyland was awesome. The kids went on all of the rides and even tricked me into going on Big Thunder Mountain. Big should have been my first clue, Thunder should have clinched it. I was had. It as rollercoaster! I don't do rollercoasters! I get motionsick so easy and as you all know, I have a phobia about vomiting, so needless to say, rollercoasters are not on my list of 100 things! After I got off, I thought my head was going to explode. No doubt from my bloodpressure going through the roof! Needless to say, I heeded all of the warnings about motionsickness from then on! I don't know how they do it, but it smells SO good there. I have a theory that they pipe in yummy odors, but I could be wrong. Needless to say, it really IS the happiest place on earth! My favorite part of the whole place was Pirates of the Carribean. It was so cool! We spend 3 full days there and I could have stayed longer.

We also spend 2 days at California Adventure. Pretty cool place, I must admit. The kids went on all of the rides there, even California Screamin and the Mali Boomer. Insane is what they are! Mike also went on the Mali Boomer and it said it scared the shit right out of him. They strap you into a seat and shoot you straight into the air, and then yo-yo you back down. Fun times!

We spend they other two days of our vacation at Sea World and Universal Sudios. I didn't care too much for Universal Studios. I admit that I did enjoy the backlot tour, but since I don't do rides, there is not much else for me to do there. The Waterworld show is pretty cool, though. Especially since it only involved me sitting in a stadium and watching a stunt show. Sea World on the other hand was very cool! I loved the Shamu show as well as seeing the walruses and dolphins perform. I also loved the polar bears and beluga whales. We had a bus driver on drugs that day though. On our way back to Anaheim he missed the entrance to the freeway TWICE! We were on the bus for about an hour and the kids were like "Where are we, are we almost home?" and I said "We just passed Sea World -AGAIN".

So we had an awesome time. The kids were at the perfect ages to take them (13, 12, 11 and 10). They will remember the trip for the rest of their lives! The crappy thing was how expensive everything in the parks were. A bottle of water - $3, a churro - $3, a pop - $3, a cookie - $3. You get the picture. I was 3 dollered to death. Easy to do with 4 kids all dying of hunger and thirst. Also, had we known, we would have picked a different time of the year to go. Apparently the days right before New Years are the busiest days the parks have ALL YEAR! They even sold out on New Year's Eve. We elected to bring in the New Year in California Adventure since it is typically less busy than Disneyland. I don't think it would have mattered where we went, since we were crushed by a crowd there too. AND the fireworks weren't nearly as good there compared to the once we saw over the trees at Disneyland.

We flew home on the 5th of January. Our flight was VERY turbulent for most of the way, especially as we made our desent into Calgary. Not my idea of fun at all. I hate turbulance. By the time we got our luggage, proceeded through customs and found the truck it was already 5 o'clock. Then we had to drive the boys home (on the other side of the city). We dropped them off at 6 and headed to Wetaskiwin to spend the night at my sister's. We finally got there at 9 pm. They waited supper for us, so we were all pretty hungy. My sister made her world famous lazagne, which was much appreciated as well as supplied me with liquor, which is also much appreciated. We left there in the morning and headed out on horrible roads. 15 hours later we made it home. The drive should only take 12.5! The first couple of days back, all I wanted to do was sleep!

Anyway, I would do it all over again in a heartbeat if I could have just one more day in the Magic Kingdom! Maybe that yummy smell is just a method of brainwashing people!