My Sister is a Saddist

It sounded like such a great idea last night. Shellie and I were chatting on the phone, I was complaining (its ceaseless, really) about the size of my ass and how I can't even stand myself anymore. So Shell has this great idea. We need to start a running program. Well to clarify, I need to start, she just needs to pick it back up. I was like - Yeah man! I can so do that. Ha. She even got my kids in on it to police me and to report back to her if I didn't do it. As soon as I walked in the door after work today, Girlie was all "get out there and start running!" Little punk. She can go live with her mean Auntie me thinks. So run I did. Well walk-walk-run-walk-run-walk-walk - you get the picture. I.Was.Dying. My head just about popped off. I started seeing stars. Also, imagine my embarrassment as I'm running down Coalmine Road with my huge ass swaying behind me and meeting hordes of people coming home from work. Hey Shell? Or should I say "Be-yatch", I better wake up 5 pounds lighter tomorrow, that's all I can say!

There are just no words....

Picture if you will...6:30 Tuedsay evening. My kitchen. Me in soap suds up to my elbows. Girlie working a dish towel like nobody's business. Song comes on the radio - me and Girlie look at each other. Hand are quickly dried. Mother and dauther are suddenly dancing around the kitchen slapping our asses and singing along to "My Humps".

I have sunk so low....

The River is a Rising

The river that runs through my town is getting’ mighty high! We are on flood watch because we had 150% above the normal snowfall and most of it still has to come down them there mountains. Because I have never seen it quite so high, at least not in recent memory I thought I would take a walk around town and take a few pictures.



It is kind of hard to see in the light, but trust me, the water is flowing very, very fast.

There is all kinds of debris (mostly trees) floating down the river as well. I was able to capture this huge tree flowing very fast by me.



Again it is hard to tell, but it is at least 20 feet long.

And just to be nice, I’ll put in a shot of the park by the river. It is so pretty there.


I don’t know what it is about natural disasters, but I find it all very exciting. What the hell is wrong with me? Don't answer that.

I've Had a Bit of a Shitty Day...

It all started at 6:30 this am when I went to turn the water on in the shower and NOTHING came out. fuck. So off I go to work with hair that is getting greasier by the second. I was starting to look like the Fonz (but without the thumbs up). Who needs hair gel? Just live in Telkwa and you are good to go! Then! just because God was smiling on me today, it just happened to be Welfare Wednesday! Joy! I don't even know how to explain my day at work except that the first time I looked up at the clock it was 12:00 and the next time it was time to go home. It was CRAZY busy. Now, let me be the first government worker to say that I have NEVER had a job so demanding as this one. The next time I hear someone dis the government workers for not doing anything, oooh, I'm gonna punch em in the freaking throat! Oh! and to top it all off? I get one of our homeless dudes asking me if I have any Indian in me. I say not a bit, and he says "Want some". PUKE!!! Okay, day is done, off I go home. I'm driving across one of our three stop lights and I look over and see this crazy lady walking against the light? How RETARDED! Rush hour in Smithers, come one! You are looking to get yourself killed! All joking aside, I looked back up and WHAM! right into the back of a Dodge Neon. fuck me. First accident in 19 years. The high point of the day was I didn't get a ticket, and I didn't lose any points off of my good driving record. Scratch that, there was no high point. The cops came and gave me my ticket the next day! Arrgh! The lowest point was when I realized that this little fender bender probably totalled my 1992 Chevy Blazer (piece of shit) because it is not worth more than , oh say, $500 fucking dollars! fuck! I hope you all feel really sorry for me!

Road Trip!

I had to drive to Terrace on Monday for work. The drive takes about 2 hours (if you drive the speed limit - which I did because I was driving my work vehicle AND I was getting paid for it - so the longer the better, I say!). When I drove down (or is it over?) it was raining and sleeting the whole way. What the hell? Sleet you say? In May? That's fucked up. Yes indeed my friend, it sure is. Not only was the weather crappy but the radio reception was so bad sometime I couldn't even get CBC. I have to tell you how much I truly hate CBC. I only have to hear it for like, one second and I can tell I am listening to that utter shit. Seriously - what is up with the announcer's and the way they ALL talk alike, almost in slow motion or maybe they are all just stoned on some good weed - whatever. I.Hate.It! So! for my drive home today, I stopped in at the Wal-Mart (I love you Wal-Mart!) and decided I needed to buy some CD's to listen to for the drive home.

So here I am looking through all the Chart Hits and nothing is really screaming at me to buy it, so I go over to the next aisle and I catch a glimpse of...oh, my god! Could it be? Hallelujah! Alabama's Greatest Hits. What? I seriously think Alabama is the greatest band of all time (well right up there with Nazareth, Def Leopard and Bon Jovi in any case).

It was like porn for my ears! I sang all the way home. Good thing I was alone, that is all I can say. Mike would agree. But, beware Mike, next time you drive me home after I have had a few beers and feel the urgent need to sing, I swear you will agree that my rendition of "Song of the South" should be showcased on Canadian Idol - and not the "Worst Of" episode, either. I rocked the house Baby! If you know me and know how I am totally tone deaf you probably find this a little humorous.

"Song, song of the South, sweet potato pie and shut my mouth" Is that not some of the best lyrics you have ever heard? I don't exactly know what they mean by it, but DAMN! it sure is fun to sing. It will now be stuck in your head ALL day. Your welcome!

20 Pounds - Holy Freaking Shit!!!

A few posts back I noted that I had gained 10 pounds after quitting smoking. Well as of today, I have officially gained twenty.freaking.pounds. What.The.Fuck?!? I haven't stepped on the scale for awhile, so imagine my stunned surprise. I should have known, it's not like my pants are getting tighter on me as a joke that they thought would be funny. Nope, no joke. My ass is large. Really, really large. In fact today I kept thinking someone was following me, but nope - just my large ass.

Well the buck stops here! I will NOT gain anymore weight. Not only will I not gain, but I will lose. LOSE! I TELL YOU!!! I'll let you know how it's going with "My Incredible Shrinking Ass" chronicles. I know you just can't wait to hear about my ass size, so stay tuned!

The Old Man and the Sea(food)

We spent the past few days in Victoria on Vancouver Island. Mike had his annual Guide Outfitters convention. I was also my Dad's 60th birthday on Friday, so we convinced Mom and Dad to come over to spend it with us in Victoria. I'm sure glad we did. It was nice having Mom and Dad there to do touristy things with while Mike was in meetings all day. I got there two days before Mom and Dad did, so I was able to get my shopping fix taken care of without having to drag them around the mall oohing and aahing over everything I saw. When you live in the frozen north, far far from anything that resembles a mall, you kind of get overwhelmed when you are actually in one. SO! I bought, shirts! and Shoes! and Purses! and clothes for the kids. It was alot of fun. I even took the CITY BUS!!!! Okay, It may not seem like such a big deal to most people, but when you come from a town that has 3 stoplights it was kind of exciting.

We got to eat fancy dinners and wear fancy clothes and drink fancy drinks (okay, so now you know that one is not true - you can't get very fancy with beer, BUT I did drink it out of a glass - so I guess it was kind of fancy) and we got to sleep in a hotel and our room was on the 15th floor so we had a view and everything. We were living the high life!

Mom and Dad flew down on Thursday night so we were only able to see them for a short time in the evening when we went out for dinner at The Old Spaghetti Factory. I love that restaurant. You get lots of food and it is really good. Dad's birthday was Friday and Mike was in meetings most of the day. Mom and Dad and I walked around the harbour and went to Madame Trusaud's Wax Museum which was pretty neat. We also took in a restored castle (which was awesome!) We rode the CITY BUS!! to that too. This one was a double decker and Dad decided he would probably not get another chance (because he is 60 after all) so he headed on up to the top deck. And then like the yokels we are, Mom and I had to yell up to him when it was our stop. But the castle was so cool. It is called Craigdarroch Castle and was originally a private residence. The owner, who in 1908 had $20,000,000, had it built. That's ALOT of money in that day and age. Then we wandered around the city and found a Gelato Store that had 66 Flavours of Ice Cream. You heard me - Sixty-freaking-six! We were in awe. We even had to phone Mike on the cell and make him come find us because we couldn't believe our eyes!

Funny story, while we sitting on the sidewalk cafe eating our icecream I was showing Mom some pictures on my digital camera. She was looking at them and then handed me the camera back saying that she just got to a picutre of some guys in suits. It turned out the men in suits was a picture from the wax museum. She thought it was a picture from Mike's convention when in fact it was Jean Cretian, JFK, Nixon and Deifenbaker. Oh man, did we bust a gut!

THEN! we went for some seafood for Dad's birthday dinner. Now when I say seafood I mean, sea!food! We had platters with lobster, Alskan king crab legs, halibut, lobster stuffed mushroom caps and prawns! I even took a picture because it was so unbeleivable delicious. No, we don't get out all that much.

On Saturday Mom and Dad and I toured the Royal BC Museum, which is a pretty cool place. They cover everything from dinosaurs and animal displays to pioneer times. After that we sadly said good bye. Mike and I had to go to his banquet and we were flying out early the next morning. Mom and Dad went and ate some MORE seafood (do you get the title now?) and Mike and I had another fancy dinner and I even got to wear heels! We had to get up at 3:30 the next morning to catch our flight home so we had a very ealy night.

I hope Dad doesn't get alzheimer's too soon so he won't forget his awesome birthday for awhile!

I am a Slacker (But a "Blessed" Slacker)

I have been soooo lazy lately. This quitting smoking thing has really sucked the life out of me. Either that or it is all the stress in my life that I was naively ignoring - until I broke out in Eczema all over my body. I look so hot right now - what with the eczema and the extra 10 pounds I have gained since I quit smoking. You should all feel so jealous!

Anyhow, back to why my life is blessed:

1) I have Mike who loves me very much and who I love equally as much. (AND he puts up with the extra 10 pounds and the ugly skin and the moody bitchiness that sometimes overcomes me!)

2) I have two parents that are STILL together after 40 years AND still love each other! AND they still phone me at least once a week. We all actually like each other. Amazing!

3) This probably should have been number one, but I am to lazy(see above) to move it to the top - I have two GREAT kids who are polite and mind their mother. Not to mention they have great senses of humour and still laugh when I burp really loud. PLUS they don't tell me to shut up when I am singing along to the radio. PLUS they still want bedtime kisses and "I Love You's" at night.

4) I have a great job. With great pay and great benefits. Great.

5) My sister is my friend. I am so puzzled when people tell me that they don't even talk to their siblings. I just don't get that. Shellie is one of only a few people that knows where I am coming from and gets my sarcasm for what it is - a feeble attempt at humour.

6) I was so lucky to grow up in a small town in Saskatchewan that gave me roots. A place that not only I belong to but my entire family (as far back as I can relate) belonged to as well. It gave me security, confidence and a value system that I rely on.

7) I have a great house and have made it into a real home. One that I am proud of.

8) I have the best friends anyone could possibly ask for. Some of which I don't see often enough or talk to regularily (Deanna, Sherrie, Karen) and some I see at least once a week (Cindy, Jenny) but they all me so much to me and I would do anything for anyone of them. I got your backs Babes.

9) I am healthy (well apart from the eczema, obesity and sporatic psychosis) and I am taking steps to keep myself that way.

There are a ton more ways that my life is blessed, but frankly I am just too lazy to keep on typing. I will really try harder to be a more frequent updater. Just so you all know - I is easy to leave me a message in the comments - just click on comments at the bottom of this post. I would love to know why your life is blessed!

To My Big Sister On Her 39th Birthday!

Happy Birthday Shellie! Can you believe you are 39? Holy freaking shit - you are getting old! It seems like just yesterday that you were bossing me around, oh wait, that was yesterday...just kidding. Seriously though, it doesn't seem possible that so many years have passed since we were little stubble jumpers growing up in good old Saskatchewan. Brings back memories, that is for sure.

Remember how we learned how to drive the truck in the field - when we were like EIGHT!!! I don't think girlie could even ride her bike when she was eight! And how we had to drive meals out to the field and we thought we were so cool because we were driving. On the grid road. And we were 12 or so? Good times!

Remember how we used to drive that old snowmobile of Dad's around and around the yard. Well, you drove it around and around, me and Darcie were usually dragging behind holding onto ropes. And you would try and hit all of those big, hard snow drifts? Good times!

Remember how we used to take that old tape recorder you had and have singing contests. To the Grease Soundtrack? Even though neither one of us could sing our way out of a wet paper bag. And you always declared yourself the winner? Good times! p.s. I found and old tape of us singing. I think it would be great to show your new in-laws your exceptional talent at your upcoming wedding. Oh yeah, baby - good times!

Remember in high school when you had all those cool clothes that Grandma liked to buy you, but you never let me were them? And one time when you stayed overnight at Grandma's and I came to school the next day wearing your clothes? And you beat me up in the hallway? Oh yeah - Good times!

But through it all - the good memories and the bad, I'm glad to share them all with you. I am lucky to have you for a big sister and I am even luckier to have you for a friend. Happy Birthday Shell! Love ya!

Yahooo!

I got the freakin job! Can you believe it? I can't. I'm in total shock. Yes, as a matter of fact, I am a little bit lacking in the self confidence department! I wasn't even holding out any hope at all. I was resigned to the fact that I definitely did not get it. Who knew? Now I can give an even bigger sigh of relief. Now I just have to make it through the next week to make sure that none of the other applicants appeal the decision.

I tell you - 2007 is going to be MY year! I quit smoking, got a new job, my divorce *will* be finalized (that is a whole other blog entry). Who knows what else, but I can feel good things coming my way!

Interviews Suck the Life out of Me

On Tuesday I had an interview for a new job. Not that I don't like my old job, I do. In fact I love it. Unfortunately it is only seasonal (Apr-Sep) and it is not permanent. They could decide to cut that position at any time and I would be out on my ass.

So back in OCTOBER(!) I applied on a full time permanent position with the provincial government. It is for the Supervisor of Administrative Services with the welfare office. I seriously think I am out of my mind. Anyhoo - I had an interview (ON TUESDSAY!!!). Count 'em - 3 months to be contacted for an interview. That is typical government speed. So the pay would be great and the benefits would be great but the stress level and work load are apparently quite horrendous. I really debated wether or not to even apply for the job, but I decided to go ahead and let fate decide.

I totally stressed myself out over the interview AND studied my ass off. If you knew me at all, you would find this odd, as I am a master procrastinator and always put things off to the last minute. I get to the interview on Tuesday thinking I am well prepared. I dressed up in a smart black suit and even remembered to use the lint brush right before I walked out the door. I though I had it in the bag. My interview was schedule for 9:00. They asked me four questions. Four retarded questions. That was that and I was out the door in 20 minutes! I totally bombed. I mean really! What the hell! Here is one of the inane questions they asked. "Tell us about a time you received information or facts that affected decision you had already made". ???. Okay, maybe some people can think on their feet. I am not one of those poeple. I'm not really sure that they were after with that doozy. I spouted some mumbo jumbo about finding out procedures had changed after I had followed the old ones. Pretty sure I bombed. Anyhow, I still can't think of a good example.

I am soooo glad I can relax and breathe again. My head is no longer a light shade of purple. Stress sucks and interviews suck even more. I don't think I will do another one of those for a while.

If I actually get this job it will be a miracle.

Disneyland Rocks!

I'm slacking off on my updates. Actually I'm just now over my exhaustion from all of our travelling. We left Kelowna on December 27th enroute to Calgary where we would embark on our trip to Southern California. The roads were good until we hit the Rockies. After that they were pure hell. Cars in the ditch everywhere! However, we made it safe and sound and spent the night at the swanky Travelodge in Calgary South (so far from swanky, I can't begin to tell you! The bathtub would not drain, and I can't even begin to imagine what was plugging it up). We had a three hour flight to LAX and then waited another hour for our shuttle bus to take us to the hotel. By the time we checked in it was midnight. We were all starving and tired. Not a good mix. Not to mention that I had my last cigarettle ouside of the Los Angeles International Aiport. I thought it would be a great time to quit. Is there ever a good time to quit? So I was dying for a smoke as well. We ended up ordering mediocre pizza and chicken strips for J.

The hotel we stayed at was awesome. We stayed at the Marriott Residence Inn Maingate. They are 8-plex condos with full kitchens and your own private entrance. They even had a sepatate bedroom with two queen beds. Mike and I ended up on the hide-a-bed in the living room. That way we could watch what we wanted on TV and the kids could watch what they wanted on theirs. The only drawback was that there was only one bathroom, and one bathroom and six people does not always work so well. The hotel has an outdoor heated pool which the kids lived in and two hot tubs. One of which was right out our door. Mommy liked that! The hotel offered a full buffet breakfast every moring as well, so we filled our boots with eggs, bacon hashbrowns and french toast every morning! You would have thinked we would have gained weight on the trip but we walked out asses off every day. The first couple of days, me and the kids were so sore we had to rely on the magical qualities of Advil.

Disneyland was awesome. The kids went on all of the rides and even tricked me into going on Big Thunder Mountain. Big should have been my first clue, Thunder should have clinched it. I was had. It as rollercoaster! I don't do rollercoasters! I get motionsick so easy and as you all know, I have a phobia about vomiting, so needless to say, rollercoasters are not on my list of 100 things! After I got off, I thought my head was going to explode. No doubt from my bloodpressure going through the roof! Needless to say, I heeded all of the warnings about motionsickness from then on! I don't know how they do it, but it smells SO good there. I have a theory that they pipe in yummy odors, but I could be wrong. Needless to say, it really IS the happiest place on earth! My favorite part of the whole place was Pirates of the Carribean. It was so cool! We spend 3 full days there and I could have stayed longer.

We also spend 2 days at California Adventure. Pretty cool place, I must admit. The kids went on all of the rides there, even California Screamin and the Mali Boomer. Insane is what they are! Mike also went on the Mali Boomer and it said it scared the shit right out of him. They strap you into a seat and shoot you straight into the air, and then yo-yo you back down. Fun times!

We spend they other two days of our vacation at Sea World and Universal Sudios. I didn't care too much for Universal Studios. I admit that I did enjoy the backlot tour, but since I don't do rides, there is not much else for me to do there. The Waterworld show is pretty cool, though. Especially since it only involved me sitting in a stadium and watching a stunt show. Sea World on the other hand was very cool! I loved the Shamu show as well as seeing the walruses and dolphins perform. I also loved the polar bears and beluga whales. We had a bus driver on drugs that day though. On our way back to Anaheim he missed the entrance to the freeway TWICE! We were on the bus for about an hour and the kids were like "Where are we, are we almost home?" and I said "We just passed Sea World -AGAIN".

So we had an awesome time. The kids were at the perfect ages to take them (13, 12, 11 and 10). They will remember the trip for the rest of their lives! The crappy thing was how expensive everything in the parks were. A bottle of water - $3, a churro - $3, a pop - $3, a cookie - $3. You get the picture. I was 3 dollered to death. Easy to do with 4 kids all dying of hunger and thirst. Also, had we known, we would have picked a different time of the year to go. Apparently the days right before New Years are the busiest days the parks have ALL YEAR! They even sold out on New Year's Eve. We elected to bring in the New Year in California Adventure since it is typically less busy than Disneyland. I don't think it would have mattered where we went, since we were crushed by a crowd there too. AND the fireworks weren't nearly as good there compared to the once we saw over the trees at Disneyland.

We flew home on the 5th of January. Our flight was VERY turbulent for most of the way, especially as we made our desent into Calgary. Not my idea of fun at all. I hate turbulance. By the time we got our luggage, proceeded through customs and found the truck it was already 5 o'clock. Then we had to drive the boys home (on the other side of the city). We dropped them off at 6 and headed to Wetaskiwin to spend the night at my sister's. We finally got there at 9 pm. They waited supper for us, so we were all pretty hungy. My sister made her world famous lazagne, which was much appreciated as well as supplied me with liquor, which is also much appreciated. We left there in the morning and headed out on horrible roads. 15 hours later we made it home. The drive should only take 12.5! The first couple of days back, all I wanted to do was sleep!

Anyway, I would do it all over again in a heartbeat if I could have just one more day in the Magic Kingdom! Maybe that yummy smell is just a method of brainwashing people!

Christmas in Kelowna

We've been at my parent's since the 20th of December. I'm pretty sure they will heave a huge sigh of relief when we back out of their driveway on the 27th. 7 days is a long time to stay at anyone's house, never mind the 4 extra littler bodies we brought along as well. Thank God they have a big house, that is all I can say.

We are not planning to much for Christmas Eve. We are just going to make a bunch of appetizers and play some games. The kids should have fun though.

Girlie is having trouble with nosebleeds last night and today. She ended up getting some on the new comforter on the bed she is sleeping in. So we are washing it, but you know how they always end up bunching up in the wrong places once they have been washed.

Mike's son J has been proving to be another royal pain. He is allergic to everything. Dairy, Eggs, Sugar. The list goes on, but those are the main ones and the ones that make it so damn hard to cook for him. More added stress for Mom. Like I said, they will be waving with glee on the 27th!

The kids are pumped for Christmas morning and have actually been doing everything we ask them to do. Bloody Amazing! I wish Christmas was all year round. Beds would get made, dishes would be put in the dishwasher and there would be no squabbles. Dream on, I know.

We are heading to Disneyland on the 28th of December until the 5th of January. None of us have ever been, so we are all pretty pumped up. We are also planning on doing Sea World and Universal Studios. We will be the bumpkins wondering around with our mouths hanging open at all the wonderous sights we have been promised in the brochures. Mike's son J is bound and determined that he is also going surfing. He does not understand that it will not be 80 degrees there in December. Maybe he will have to learn the hard way. Unfortunately the little bugger packed along a wet suit. My problem is deciding what to pack when we go. I know it's not going to be hot down there, but it will be considerably warmer than here. We are used to about 20 degrees Farenheit and I undersand it will be about 40 degrees warmer there. I guess we will wing it. I'm bringing our summer coats and no shorts, so hopefully I am leaning in the right direction.

I hope everyone has a fabulous Christmas and a smashing New Year's. I will post about our trip when I get home!

I'm Weird

Some of you already know, and some of you probably don't know that I have a few weird traits that make me who I am.

I have a deadly phobia about vomit. Weird, I know. I told you! It's not that whole "I'll get sick if you puke infront of me" thing that alot of people have. I literally have the heart palpitation, breaking out in a cold sweat and trying to run as fast and as far as I can from anything that resembles vomit thing going on. It is a debilitating phobia to be sure. I am afraid to fly - I mean, come on, EVERY seat has a barf bag. The odds are not good people! I am afraid to take a cruise or even go on a ferry (I've heard the horror stories of rough seas). I can't be in closed off places incase someone gets sick and I have to run somewhere far away. Middle of the movie row - forget that! It is not even just being around someone who is sick, the thought of myself vomiting almost throws me into fits! Needless to say, I don't do it. Mind over matter, it can be done! I can only remember vomiting 4 times in my entire life (I'm 36) so it is a very rare occurance. The last time was 10 years ago when I got sun stroke. I ALWAYS wear a hat and stick to the shade now! I really need to do some research on this because I would dearly love to get this monkey off my back!

Another weird thing about me is I can roll my stomach. It is a skill I have had since I was a child. It is not a pretty site. I am 10 pounds, okay 15 pounds, overweight and the sight of my big belly rolling up and down is quite disturbing. The kids used to think it was pretty cool, not so much anymore.

I can burp really, really loudly. Skill or weird - you decide. It brings me and the kids endless hours of enjoyment though.

I have a laugh that is very distictive. Some have called it a popcorn laugh, some have called it a cackle. Call it what you will - I laugh alot! I throw my head back and let loose. People pick me out of a crowd just by listening to my laugh.

One last thing - I'm scared of the dark. I can't STAND it when it is completely pitch black. So I need a night light - at 36! Definitely weird. My kids haven't needed one since they were 5!

Okay, okay - one more. I am completely anal about how my towels are folded. They need to be in half (long ways) in half again (same direction as before) and then in threes. Nobody but me is allowed to fold the towels. I know, in the big scheme of things what does it really matter, but I get a little snaky if I know they are in the cupboard and not folded right. Sigh.


I am weird!

Large Marge Lives In My Backyard

A cow moose has taken a liking to my backyard. I affectionately named her Large Marge the Moose because she is sooo big. Bigger, at least, than the usual cow moose that have visited us over the years. She has taken a real liking to the willows surrounding our yard. I wish it would end there. She also likes my ornamental cherry tree. Alot. There is no fazing her either. There she is muching on my cherry tree, while I am yelling at her to go (as I hide in my carport), and all she does is give me this bored look like she is saying, "Pullease! I am Large Marge - I will eat cherry trees all day, now begone!" We also have a deer hanging around. I haven't actually seen the deer but there are alot of tracks. The deer also likes my cherry tree. If anyone knows of an effective way to keep deer and moose away from ornamental trees, please leave a note in the comments!

I went with a friend today to scope out a puppy that she was thinking of buying. She was so cute! Half poodle, half shitzu - I like to call it a shitty poo. My sister bred her cockerspaniel with a shitzu last year so she had a litter of cockashits. I crack me up. Anyway, I digress. My friend fell in love with the puppy and paid for her on the spot. She was the runt of the litter and soooo cute. Now she just has to explain the $350 to her husband. Let's see how creative she can get. She gave the breeder $100 cash and a $250 cheque so I am pretty sure she will be telling him the puppy only cost $250.

My sister used to play a little game like that with her ex-husband. If she spend $50 on something she would only tell him it cost $20, and if she spend $100 she would say it only cost $50. Considering he is her EX-husband, I don't think that gig worked out too well for her.

Wow, moose, deer, shitty poos and mind games - I'm on a roll tonight!

I Am A Bad Mom

I thought I had it all planned perfectly. The kids are at their Dad's this week. Girlie's Christmas concert is tonight. Only two tickets per student to give out. No problem! I was going to go to the dress rehearsal this afternoon and then her Dad and the Boy could go to the concert tonight. It would have been perfect. If I could, in fact, read. That's right, the dress rehearsal was yesterday.

I thought it was a bit odd when I got the the school at 1:10 and there were not alot of vehicles around. I went in anyway and browsed the Lost and Found table. Then I looked at all of the artwork around Girlie's classroom. Very creative I must say! I was afraid to ask at the office in case they recognized me for the loser that I am. I gave up at 1:30 and headed over to the A&W to use the phone. I told Mike to come pick me up there. I was pretty sure at that point that I had indeed gotten the wrong day.

Mike picked me up, we headed home and I once again read the notice that is hanging on my fridge. Yep. Dress Rehearsal was for Tuesday at 1:15. I am such a loser! I can't believe that happened. I usually have it all together! I. Always. Know. What. Is. Going. On.

Apparently, not so much. I phoned Girlie up after she got home from school and she was like, "So, how did you enjoy the dress rehearsal" Little punk! It wasn't as if I deliberately made a decision not to go. I told her I missed it and thought it was supposed to be for today. She said "Yeah I figured that!" Little punk! Then she had the nerve to say, in her punky little way "Well at least Dad will come to the concert tonight - at least one of my parent's will see my Christmas Concert". Okay, so she didn't have to make me feel like dirt, did she? Sassy little punk!

I feel so bad - I think I need to find the poppycock that my Grandma Ida made me (at least she still loves me) and wallow in my self pity.

Nothin' Says Fun Like a Fundue!

We thought we would do something a little different for our Christmas Party this year, so on Friday we had two couples over for a fondue. They all brought their kids too, but since hot oil and children don't mix all that well, they were banished to the basement with pizza, pop and movies. Our last foray into the fondue world was 5 years ago when we were camping. Hot oil, a bunch of drunk people and a forest within burning distance. Seemed like such a good idea at the time! This time we were a tad more civilized and probably a lot more sober. Don't get me wrong - the beer and wine was definitely flowing, but we didn't start at noon like we do when we are camping! We ate like royalty and had a hoot. No one got burned or ended up in the hospital with food poisoning later that night. Phew, such a relief! That is one of my great fears - invite people over for dinner and end up poisoning them. We had 3 pots on the go which would have worked out perfectly had we liked the cheese one. No one did. It was the prepacked kind from safeway - kind of gross. It was a traditional swiss cheese fondue - I guess we are just not swiss enough. I don't know how they stand it - gag! So we were down to two pots - one with oil and one with vegetable broth. I liked the veggie broth the best, especially for cooking the prawns. We has way too much food, as usual. I would have hated to come up short! So on Sunday we had shish kebabs with the leftovers. It worked great! I really enjoyed the fact that I didn't have to come up with another meal idea! I hate serving the same things over and over.

My Christmas baking packaged arrived from my Grandma Ida today on the bus. Bliss I tell you! Lefsa, sweet lefsa, poppycock (which tasted just like her popcorn balls - sooo good), cinnamon twists and a Terry's Chocolate Orange for Girlie and the Boy. At the rate I have been chowing down latetly I should be ready for Penningtons (the fat girls store) by the time I get to Kelowna! Not really, so far so good on the weight gain - but knock on wood because I still have 2 weeks left of my feeding frenzy. I made buttertarts last week and thought that if I stuck them in the freezer, it would be out of sight, out of mind. Sadly, I like them frozen better than anything so the little buggers kept calling my name, and I kept answering.

For the love of God, why can't I crave vegetables?!

St. Nick Has Bit My Ass

I wasn't going to put a tree up this year. We are leaving on the 20th so I didn't see any point. That was before the Christmas Spirit grabbed ahold of me. Funny how that works. Some years I just don't feel it at all. This year it is not even December and it has settled on my heart. Aaah, isn't that sweet?

The Boy made cookies this afternoon and while he was whipping it up in the kitchen, I got the urge to put up the Christmas Tree and listen to Christams carols. So that is exactly what I did. We have those mini lights, you know the kind. One burns out and half the strand is pooched. So I sent Mike to Canadian Tire and he rescued the day. Unfortunately now I have the top half of the tree with normal white mini lights and the bottom with blue-white LED lights. No matter, at least he tried. The kids got into the spirit too and before you could say Jingles Bells the tree was up and decorated.

We made chili for supper so we'll have a rootin tootin good time later tonight! Of course chili has onions so Girlie was not having any of that. She made mushroom soup instead. Onions are the bane of Girlie's life, and mine, since she make it miserable when I attempt to cook with the dastardly things. The kids go to their Dad's for a week tomorrow. I'll miss them that is for sure, but hopefully I can get alot done without them here. For sure we will be having dinner that includes alot of onions. They haven't seen their Dad since I went to Saskatchewan so it is good for them to spend some time with him.

I have been spending most of the last week making Christmas ornaments. They are time consuming as part of the ornament is cross-stiched, but they look so nice when they are done. I plan on giving them to friends and Mike's sister and step-sister for Christmas - along with some tins of baking. I found these incredible tin sets at the dollar store. Solid metallic gold, red and green. The biggest one is quite large and inside are three smaller ones. I plan on filling the biggest with poppycock, and the smaller ones with fudge, almond roca and chocolate truffles. That should make good gifts and I will stack them up and tie a ribbon around them and include the Christmas ornament at the top.

Christ, what in the hell is happening to me. I'm turning into Martha Freaking Stewart. Hell. Next thing you know, I will be making matching nightshirts for all of us to wear on Christmas Eve. Not bloody likely!

Oh, oh it's started - Quick, pull my finger!

Who Knew?

I have been off of work since October 27th. I couldn't wait until I had some time off and I could stay at home. While I was working I thought about all of the stuff I was going to accomplish with my 2 1/2 months off. Organizing closets, fall cleaning, visiting friends. What I didn't count on was the endless hours that are in a day.

So far I haven't accomplished a whole lot. I've done some house cleaning and some baking...enough to gain about 5 pounds. Yikes. So where is the bliss I thought would be waiting for me at home? My day consists of waking Girlie up at 6:30 for her shower, making coffee, having a smoke (I haven't gotten around to quitting yet - that was another thing on my "to-do" list), making Girlie and Boy breakfast, making lunches, yelling at Girlie to hurry up (1/2 hour in the shower and another 15 minutes deciding what to wear), signing notices, shooing the kids out the door to catch the school bus. This brings me to 7:40. Sigh.

Then I tidy up, surf the web, check some emails and drink more coffee. I generally get a load of laundry in as well. So there is my morning. Fulfilling don't you think? This afternoon, I shook things up and made some unbaked chocolate cookies. Now I am back on the computer and it is only 1:15. Good Lord.

So what is on the agenda for the rest of the day, you ask? I plan on making a casserole for supper, possibly lasagne, cleaning the kitchen after the mess I made from making the cookies, watching Oprah and Dr. Phil. This should take me to 4:00 when Girle will get home on the bus. Boy needed his haircut in a serious way so he is walking to the barber shop after school. I gave hime $15 so I hope that is enough. Mike is going to pick him up at 3:30 so they should be home around 4:30. Girlie watches Little House on the Prairie everyday after school so she won't be alot of company until after that is over. Girlie has a sudden fascination with all things Little House. She is reading the series, watching the reruns, pretending her playmobile people are the Ingalls and enacts out various pioneer hardships with all of her playmobile sets. I'm sure she would change her name to Laura if she could. Not that I am complaining. Much more imaginative than Boy, who would spend all his time on the computer or in front of his X-Box if I would let him. He is getting a bit pudgy too. Not that I'm one to talk of course, but I am worried that his inactivity is getting out of hand. How does one go about getting their kids off their behinds and doing something that involves excercise?

I know alot of it falls on my shoulders, so here is what I hope will be a plan for our family's fitness. After the kids are done the dishes am hoping that I can get everyone to go for a walk in the evenings. Even if it is freezing cold and blowing snow. Which it is right now, by the way. Tonight I hope all of us can get off our tushes and take a walk to the library (it will only take about 40 minutes to walk there and back, but it is a start anyway). Let me know if you have any other great ideas for getting my family in shape.

Saskatchewan Part Deux

On my last night in Tisdale I got to see my old friends Sherrie and Brad. Sherrie had been in Calgary for the weekend and had just gotten back that day. She came and picked me up at my Grandma's condo and she took me back to her place. She has two boys and a little girl who is two. The kids were so cute and so well behaved. The oldest boy looks just like his dad and their middle son looks just like Sherrie. It was so nice seeing them again. These are another two people that I had gone to school with right from kindergarten to grade twelve. In fact Sherrie and I knew each other since we were in diapers. We were both curling rink rats groing up together and our dad's curled together quite often. I had a couple of beers at their house and a really great visit. I just wish it was longer. It is hard to catch up with someone in only 2 hours.

The next day, Sherrie's dad drove Mom, Dad and I into Saskatoon to catch our flight. We ate lunch at the airport and then headed into security. We were 5 minutes from boarding our airplane when they came over the intercom saying there had been a security breach and everyone had to go back through security. Aaargh! Mom and Dad only had 1/2 hour as it was in Calgary to catch their flight to Kelowna. Thankfully they pushed everyone through pretty quickly and we were only a few minutes late taking off. They held Mom & Dad's airplane for them in Calgary so they were able to make their flight after all. I rushed to the security section and found Mike's son and his mom waiting for me there. We had barely enough time to get to our gate before our plane took off. We had and hour layover in Vancouver before heading to Prince George. Mike met us there and we headed out on our 4 hour drive home to Smithers. Mike's son and I slept most of the way, so we weren't much help looking for moose and deer, which there were tons of. Oh well, the drive went pretty fast for us and Mike never did end up hitting anything, so all's well that ends well.

Mike took his son out hunting everyday this past week but the only thing that they ended up getting was a grouse. His son enjoyed it though. Spending time with his dad and getting out of the city did him good, I'm sure.

Mike left today to drive him home. They are only going as far as McBride but the last 2 hours are in the dark so I worry as usual. Mike hit a deer on that stretch this summer, so I'm sure he is quite cautious. They will drive the rest of the way to Calgary tomorrow. My daughter is staying at Mike's dad's tonight so it is just my son and me holding down the fort tonight. It feels weird with just the two of us here. I miss Girlie when she's not here, even though when she is at home she talks non-stop and I always wish for a bit of peace and quiet.

The kids all went to see Happy Feet last night and thoroughly enjoyed it. Mike and I went out for dinner with 2 other couples who are our best friends here in Smithers. We ate at he Ironhorse and it was fantastic. The kids walked there after the show was done and we drove them to Jen and Jeremy's to hang out with all of the other kids while the adults headed on over to the Hudson Bay Lodge. We left there at 11:00 and all went back to Jen and Jeremy's and played a rousing game of spoons. We had so much fun. It has been awhile since we were all able to get together. Hopefully we can see more of them in the coming month.