Life in the Sticks

New Year's Resolution 2010

2010-01-10T16:14:00.000-08:00

In a final attempt to get my butt back blogging I have made it one of my New Year's Resolutions to try and post on a regular basis. A surefire way to fail, yet again. I am reluctant to completely stop blogging as I really enjoy it when I do get around to it. However, the guilt is causes when I get too lazy is the down side of it. So, I am throwing out the guilt and committing myself to blogging when I feel like it. I may not always have anything funny, or important or even very interesting to share, but if I am doing this for myself, I shouldn't care about the content and just write whatever I feel like.

I had some big changes in 2009. The most notable was finally, after 10 years together, getting married. We went to Vegas and got hitched on Nov 11th. We figured since it is Remembrance Day Mike should never forget the date. Also, I will always have that day off of work. We went down for a week. Some people will raise their brows at this but since it was my first time there and Mike had not been for about 15 years we figured we would have alot to see and do. We never did get bored or run out of this to do and see. I really, really love that place! My parents, my sistere and her husband and Mike's sister and her husband also came down to help us celebrate this momentous occasion. Mike's sister and her husband actually surprised us so that was pretty great. The ceremony was very nice and we had a fabulous meal at the Eiffel Tower Restaurant. Over the top, for sure, but we wanted to do something extra special to mark the occasion and to also treat the family that spent their own money and time to come down with us. We stayed at New York, New York Hotel and we really liked it there. I can't wait to go back again.

The downside of 2009 was that my Grandpa Glen passed away in April and then May, Mike's Mum passed away after a long battle with Pick's Disease. Pick's Disease is a horrible, horrible disease that is like Alzheimers but it strikes a different part of the brain and typically affects people much younger. Mike's Mum passed away in her early 60's and lived with disease for about 15 years. It was a long row to hoe for the whole family.

We have a couple of trips planned for 2010 and I am getting excited about them already. Mike and I are going to Victoria for the annual BCGOA convention. It is always a great time and I absolutely love that city, so March can't come early enough! We are hoping to take the kids to Silverwood in Idaho this summer. It is a huge waterpark and amusement park in Idaho. The kids won't be wanting to come on vacation with us very much longer so we want to make sure we do stuff that they will like. Entertaining teenagers is never easy. We also hope to skip the traditional Christmas next year and go somewhere tropical for 2 weeks. That is the only time we can take the kids in the winter months as they are not able to miss any school to go at any other time.

Here is hoping 2010 has great things in store for me and all of you, as well!

Suh-priiiiahz!

2009-07-06T19:32:00.000-07:00

Hey! So I took a nap or forty. Get off my back already! Actually I've been lazy. Very, very lazy. I'm trying to fight the lazy, really I am. It keeps coming out on top though. In an effort to squish it down but good, I started jogging. Or Slogging, as I affectionally call it. I started last week. It was great. Running on the track with an awesome friend who got my ass out there in the first place. The track is made of rubber and very nice to run on, when your slogging, that is. When we would run, it would be hardly faster than a brisk walk. Very doable. Until today.....

Today, friend #1 stood me up and another came out to join me. Mother. Chucker! I'm totally going to call her by her real name, because she deserves it. Cara. Cara, almost made me die today. Cara set the pace and my head almost popped off. I thought you were supposed to be able to carry on a conversation while jogging. Today? Not so much. I was just trying not to vomit. However, I did appreciate the pushing. Maybe one day my face will return to it's normal colour. I'm going to stick with it. I'm sure my ass appreciates it. Wednesday we are going to do it all over again. God help me. See you Wednesday Track Nazi!

Merry Kiss My Ass!

2008-12-29T20:59:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas to one and all! I don't know about you but I gained a solid 10 pounds over Christmas (fuck), hence the title. I love Christmas, really I do, I just love Christmas a little too much if you catch my drift. Shortbread...mmmm, turkey...mmmm, gravy....mmmm, buttertarts....mmmm, eggnog....mmmm. You get the picture. Not to mention the fact that I probably drank some beer or wine every day between Dec 19 and now. Yikes. Me pants are a wee tight. I busted a zipper out of one pair or jeans. It flew about mach 1 - damned good thing there wasn't a cat in the way, is all I'm saying. Must have been a faulty zipper - what? a girl can dream, can't she? I got a pretty kick ass present for Christmas too. A 32" Sony plasma for the bedroom. Not entirely sure if it wasn't a "shelfish" gift on Mike's part, but what the hell. I wasn't expecting anything at all, so it is all gravy. MMMM Gravy. Where was I? Oh yes. I also got Mike a "selfish" gift as well. Mike is now the proud owner of a brand new electric razor. He was getting a tad lazy in the old shaving department (alas the honeymoon phase has worn off). The kids were totally spoiled too. Mom and Dad come up from Kelowna and instead of shoveling snow, they froze their asses off. Our furnace doesn't quite keep up during -30 weather, so needless to say we sat around downstairs (the warmest room in the house) under blankets with sweaters and slippers on. Brrr. We are headed up to the ski hill on the 1st for a couple of nights. I damned well better still fit in my ski pants or I'm going to be in big trouble. Merry Kiss My Ass, indeed!

So Where Was I???

2008-10-20T19:40:00.000-07:00

I'm happy to see some people still check up on my lazy ass! I'm not making any promises, mind you, but I'm all settled in and relatively back to normal now (ha! I'm normal - now THAT's a good one!). We spent the month of August just moving in. We're still not completely moved. This should go on record as the longest move in the history of, well? moves! Our first night we slept in the new house was the weekend after the august long weekend (I'm totally too lazy to go and find a calendar to get the date for you) and we just moved the living room furniture over on Oct 11th. We don't like to rush into things at our house. Slow and steady wins the race, I always say!

So that is pretty much all I remember about August. Oh! My sister's visit was great and we can't wait for her to come back again. Also! we got two cats. A momma and a baby that we *thought* was a girl. Not so much. So now instead on Mia and Amber we now have a Mia and an Oliver. We love them. Furry little buggers! These are my kid's first pets! Very sad fact considering they are 15 and 13! Like I said. We take things slow around these parts!

September? Well lets just say September sucked ass. So much ass. Although, most of the suck fest also had a positive side as well. Mike left for the bush in early September to start his guiding season. He was gone from home from Sept 2 - Oct 9th. I once again helped expedite for him. Adding another full time job onto the one I already had! I'm much too lazy to have two jobs. It totally stresses me out. The upside was that we hired an awesome lady to help me with the expediting and I found a new friend in the process. You ROCK Lynn!

The next shitty thing that happened in September was that my friend Cindy Myers passed away from inflammatory breast cancer. She was diagnosed in January and passed in September. So very fast. She was a single mom to two beautiful teenagers. She was only 37. You just can't get more unfair than that. Remarkably, there happened to be an upside of this sad event as well. I was able to reconnect the old and dear friends that I hope I can do a better job of staying in touch with than I did before. I'm really bad a that. Actually its all about the lazy!

Then, to top off all the other shitty, my Grandma Ida went and died on us. So unexpected. Yes, she was 87 and yes she had been experience some health issues as of late, but damn! We were totally unprepared for it. Grandma was a remarkable woman who lived life large - went to the gym, had a boyfriend, and enjoyed her wine right up until the day she died. She was in better shape than most of the people I know and she had more energy than this lazy ass could stand. It is a blessing she didn't suffer. She had a massive stroke in her sleep and never woke up again. Really? Can anyone ask for a better exit than that? The upside to this one? I was able to see family and dear friends that I haven't seen in years. Although, I would take my Grandma over my visit any day.

Now October? October is looking to be a smashing success so far! October brought Mike out of the bush and back home with a very successful season behind him. I'm so glad to have him back. He is super ass skinny. I believe he lost close to 35 pounds in eight weeks. He looks like he is twelve. Little pencil necked twerp! Eat a hamburger or ten already! Just kidding honey! I actually love it when you weigh less than me, honest!

The next most awesome event that is taking place in October is that we are taking a trip! Mike's brother-in-law is turning 40 and him and his sister are hosting a fabulous 10 day vacay for all of their immediate relatives! We just had to get ourselves and the four ankle biters there. We were originally supposed to go to Nevis, West Indies and stay at the fantabuous Four Season Resort but that damned Hurricane Omar got a little too close to the island and the resort had to shut down during the time that we were supposed to be there. They recommended the Four Season Resort in Great Exuma (pronouced Zuma) in the Bahamas. So we are going there instead. I love it when plans change at the 11th hour! This is actually a very good thing. I am such a control freak that I had the whole trip planned out in my head - now I don't have time to plan or scheme anything. Well except maybe to explore the caves at 2:00 pm on Monday while I'm wearing my blue jean shorts and my new navy tank top paired with my Teva sandals. You just got a glimpse of the demons in my head, the horror that Mike has to live with. And yet? Miraculously? He loves me anyway!

Hopefully, I will have a billion pictures to bore you to tears, uh, I mean share with you.

On The Road Again, Just Can't Wait to Get on the Road Again....

2008-08-07T23:05:00.000-07:00

Has anyone seen July? I think I misplaced it. Actually, I know where it went - in a freaking blur out the passenger window of our truck. The month of July saw us in our truck for a mere 80 hours. 80! Hours! Voluntarily I might add.

At the beginning of the month Mike and I drove to Calgary to pick up his boys and stopped over in Kelowna to enjoy some sunshine (cause the sun don't shine in Smithers in July - THAT"S for sure!). We headed home after the July Stat - can't say it was a long weekend because it fell on a Tuesday, so lame. Next year will be even worse. A Wednesday Stat - how charming! For the rest of the three weeks that we were in Smithers we stayed fairly busy. We camped with Mike's sister and her family at Moosehorn Lodge. A beautiful place on Uncha Lake. We had fun, but of course it rained. We hung out at our new digs ALOT. The boys road the 4 wheeler around, and around and a-fucking-round the property till I thought I'd go bloody mad. When they weren't being holy hell raisers on four wheels they spent their time shooting anything that moved with the BB/Pellet guns. A little redneck, you say? Hell ya! Girlie on the other hand, stayed in the barn and petted the barn cat named Tyler. Tyler! for God's sake! Who names their cat Tyler?? I'm planning on renaming it Bruce. Much classier - don't you think?

We then headed back to Kelowna (you'd think we live there or something!). We were able to spend some time with my sister AND my Mom and Dad. While we were all there, Mom, my sis and I all got matching tattoos. We got the tattoos to honour our little sister/daughter Darcie Kim who passed away 20 years ago this December. We had planned on getting a snowflake because not only was she born in December but she also passed away in December. However, once we had our consultation with the tattoo artiste my Mom put the kibosh on the snowflake. He would only go as small as a twoonie and she was having none of that! We decided to get her initials tattooed on our feet, near the top of our toes. I love it and even without the tattoo to remind me, I still think of Darcie every single day. She would have approved of our homage, I'm sure.

We then packed up our four stinky teenagers (why must they be reminded about deodorant? WHY? and usually we only notice once it is too late and we are stuck in the truck for a cursed six more hours!) and headed to Vancouver. We were blessed to have been able to witness the Symphony of Fire (I know it's not called that anymore, but fuck if I can remember what it is. I'm a gettin old). 25 minutes of fanatic fireworks. Sooooo cooooool. We did the Aquarium, Science World (we all LOVED that!) and hung out at Granville Island alot. I love that place. We picked up 8 crabs at the Lobster Market and brought them back to Kelowna to share with my parents. We all were in heaven. Tasty, tasty.

The next day we headed to Calgary to drop off Mike's rugrats and take in Calaway Park. We left the park early because it started hailing and besides, it was my birthday that day and Calaway Park just wasn't doing it for me. After we dropped the boys off with their Mom we went shopping and then decided to go and grab a bite at Moxie's. While we were there, we looked up and who should stroll by our table? That would be Mike's son's! They had decided to go to the exact same restaurant at the exact same time. Freaky. Just can't shake the little buggers! Joking, of course. We went out to the show that night and saw Journey to the Centre of the Earth. It was in 3D and we had so much fun. Much laughter when we donned the glasses and even more guffaws when I was the only one to scream when the yo-yo flew straight into my face. Good Times.

We headed back to Kelowna and bought some shit. A dining room table and china cabinet and a bedroom suite for the new digs. We blew the wad! They will look smashing I'm sure. If we ever get them, that is. Still waiting...

We came home and painted and painted and painted some more. I decided that was enough and went back to work early. My sister comes for a visit this weekend. I can't wait. Not sure where we are going to be sleeping but either way, I'm sure we will have a blast. They are heading to Stewart/Hyder for a couple of days to see the glaciers (awe inspiring I assure you - and only 4 hours away, hint, hint for all my prairie friends!) and the Grizzly bears. They have a special grizzly bear viewing platform and this is the perfect time of year to watch them fish for salmon in the river - albeit a little closer to humans than I am totally comfortable with, but they are well distracted with the salmon.

Happy summer everyone!

Klappan

2008-06-15T12:19:00.000-07:00

I survived my trek into the wilds of Northern BC with nary a scratch on me. Mike and I drove, and drove and drove some more. 6 hours to be exact. At one point he stopped the truck and it still felt like we were moving. A very strange sensation, I can assure you. Thank God for Gravol is all I'm saying. We saw lots and lots of black bears but no grizzly bears.

We set up camp in record time, had some smokies for dinner, took a quad ride around to check things out and then sat around looking at each other. Mike's not much of a talker. Good times. So I up and offed myself to bed by 9:00 pm. If you know about the north, you know that it really doesn't get dark at night at this time of year. Though sadly, it doesn't stay warm at night. I gave up the warm toasty, minus -10 degree Celsius sleeping bag to Mike because he was sleeping in the tent and I thought it would be warmer in the truck. Yeah, I miscalculated a tad on that one. Thankfully the Gravol I took earlier helped me to fall asleep fairly fast. However, I woke up two hours in feeling a tad chilly. I found my hoodie and pulled it on. Two and a half hours in I added one more pair of socks. Three hours in I could no longer feel my toes. Three and a half hours in I thought that I had to pee, but fuck if I was going to go outside and freeze my ass off even more. It was a miserable, miserable night. Mike woke up in the morning and came out of the tent and looked at the truck. It was white with frost - enough said. He started the truck and turned the heat on full blast. I took a while but I eventually defrosted and even started to feel my toes again. I slept a good portion of the way home. I was a little weary. So not quite the exciting adventure I had envisioned.

Weekends Rock

2008-05-27T18:10:00.000-07:00

I just had the most excellent weekend. It started on Friday with a round of golf. Mike and I had planned in the morning to go golfing Friday night and were packing up the clubs when my friend J phoned to see if Girlie could babysit. I quickly said yes, because Girlie is always looking to make a buck or two and said I could even drive her in because we were going golfing. She said her and her hubby were going golfing too and that's why they needed Girlie. We quickly came to the conclusion that a foursome was in order! It started out exceedingly well for us girls, who by the way, just spent 20 of the best dollars on golf lessons 2 weeks before. We both made it to the green on the first two holes with one stroke. We were PUMPED. The boys? Not so much. Their first two holes sucked. The game quickly turned around after that, but I'll never get their look of horror out of my head. It makes me happy. They usually kick our asses, in a really bad way.

Saturday was even better, if you can believe it. A bunch of us went quading out on some old logging roads near Topley. Mike couldn't go so I convinced The Boy to come with me. Mike loaded the quad on the truck the night before and gave us a quick lesson before we left that morning. We had to drive about 1.5 hours to get to the unloading spot, me and The Boy had a good time, singing along to the satellite radio and cracking jokes. I love the age my kids are now - too much fun. Another friend of mine, C, was also sans man and brought her son. We we all, "I am woman, hear me roar"! We did really good, but we made one of the more experienced riders (also a girl, I might add) unload our quads from the trucks. We spent about 6 hours driving through mud and puddles and having a jolly old redneck time. I can't wait to do it again. The Boy can't either, and right now, he thinks his Mom is pretty cool, which is a miracle in itself seeing as he is almost 15. We ended up very muddy and sopping wet. I briefly thought about driving home without my wet pants on but thought that would totally wipe out my cool status with The Boy, not to mention scarring him for life. No one needs to see my blindingly white thunder thighs!

Can you believe my weekend gets even better on Sunday? I know, ridiculous, isn't it. I mean one person should not be allowed that much fun. I went golfing AGAIN. Sillyness. We went to the "big" course with J and C and their husbands. The men golfed ahead of us girls followed along behind. It was the most fantastic sunny day and I scored my personal best on that course so far. I got 69 for 9 holes. For the good golfers, don't mock me. You have no idea how far I've come. The girls and I started golfing on the "little" par 3 course about 7 years ago and we would stop counting our score when we got to 10 for each hole. Now we regularly get 4's and 5's on that course with a healthy dose of 3's thrown in. We have come along way. We are still mostly in it for the beer, but the excitement of the really great shots has us hooked into improving our game.

I don't know if I can top that weekend of not. This coming weekend I am going totally out of my comfort zone and driving 6 hours into the middle of nowhere to help Mike set up his camp for his upcoming bear hunt. I'm a little nervous as I am fucking terrified of the brown (or black, for that matter) furry things. After much snivelling and whining Mike said I can sleep in the truck because I know I would be awake and paranoid all night if I had to sleep in the tent. Even the fact that Mike will be packing a gun doesn't really relieve my fears. Baby steps I guess. I plan on taking lots of pictures so make sure you come back and check them out. Also? Knowing me? I will have an adventure or two to share. Can you just picture it now? Me, peeing in the woods and seeing a bear not that far away and trying to run away with my pants around my ankles, or cankles as I fondly refer to them? Should be a great time.

FORE!

2008-04-12T10:21:00.000-07:00

We were invited over to friend's house last night for a golf tournament. You must be thinking that they have a really big yard. While they do have a fair size lot, it is no where near big enough to golf in. Actually, it was a Wii Golf tournament. Too much fun!

We ended up drawing teams of two and playing best ball and only playing 3 holes each round. Great way to start the golf season. My team didn't win. Actually we didn't even come close to winning, but we drank alot of beer, so that definitely must count for something.

We have had a Wii since last summer and the only thing I have played on it is Guitar Hero (I haven't made it off the easy mode, but I still feel like a rockstar when I play it) and Big Mama's Cookoff (I can crack eggs like nobody's business). I guess it is time to expand my Wii world. Maybe I'll even try bowling or boxing.

Ohh, I hear the kids playing Guitar Hero. Time to kick them off and become the rockstar I was always meant to be!

I Give You Permission to Kick My Arse

2008-04-10T21:09:00.000-07:00

If I was able to, I'd even kick my own ass. Fortunately for me I'm to fat to kick my own ass, because in my world there is usually cause for alot of ass kicking. Me arse would constantly be black and blue. But that's enough ass talk for now. What I'm trying to so eloquently say is that I'm sorry for not being a very good blogger. The funny up and left me and I seriously didn't think you would want to come here just to hear me bitch and moan.

I'm hoping my sense of humour is returning. I feel happier anyway. Thank God for Spring is all I'm saying. You don't really realize you have the winter blues until they go away. Actually, I wouldn't even call them the blues they were more of the Hum Drums. Some might even call them the "I don't give two shits" or the "meh, whatever's".

So phew, that's a load off my chest. My deep dark secret is finally out. It's not all peaches and cream 24-7 in my world. Not that there is specifically anything wrong with it, but I can't say I blow sunshine out of my arse all of the time either. I guess that is how most people are. At least that is what I'm hoping anyways.

So yes, there have been some awesome good times these past few months. I just couldn't get the right words to describe them without them sounding so boring, and well, hum drum.

I do have to tell you about our spring break though. Mike had a guide convention in Victoria, but I couldn't get the whole week off work so I could only join him from the Thursday to the Sunday. We also got his boys for the 2nd week of spring break. There was a bit of a conundrum because they can only fly direct from Calgary, no connecting flights. This means from Calgary they only have a few choices. Vancouver or Kelowna. We had to come up with a major juggling act to make it all work. Mike flew from here to Victoria on the Monday. The following Wednesday I drove Mike's big ass truck with my two kids down to Kelowna (I know, I can't believe I did it either). Thursday I took a flight from Kelowna to Victoria. Friday Mike's boys flew in from Calgary and my Dad picked them up. Mike and I had a fabulous weekend sans kids in Victoria. We both flew to Kelowna on Sunday. Perfect timing because it was Easter and my Mom makes the best Turkey supper's ever, so we were very happy that worked out in our favour. We spent a couple of days in Kelowna and then drove back home with all four kids. It was a very stinky ride. too many bodies cooped up in a cab of a truck for 12 hours. Can you feel my pain. So we had a great remainder of the second week with all the kids, skiing and whatnot. The weather was awesome and I still fit into my ski pants, so all was right in world. We were sad to see the boys go, but I was happy I didn't have to go with Mike when he drove them home - 12 hours each way. I had my fill of the open road.

We still haven't sold the house. I am getting sick and fucking tired of cleaning that is for sure. I need me a housekeeper. I have so many other worthwhile things to do with my free time other than clean bathrooms and vacuum floors. Things like have long soaks in the tub, read books, get together with friends for sushi or beers, surf the Internet, watch TV with my kids.... Oh, wait a minute here. I have been doing those things. I guess that I why I'm slightly overwhelmed with keeping the house in order. I'm too busy doing other, more important things. Anyway, I just wish the fucking this would sell already.

So, I'm back and making a pledge to all of you update daily. DAILY my friends. And when I mean daily, that may mean weekly. And if I don't you can kick my ass for sure.

Homage to My Homies

2008-03-04T18:38:00.000-08:00

Friends are a very important part of my life. I have always placed their value on the highest pedestal. Because I lived in such a small town growing up, I was lucky enough to have the same friends from Kindergarten right through Graduation. I still think of those girls (and a couple of guys) as some of my dearest friends. After all, they are the ones that saw me with braces, an eye patch and a face full of pimples (not necessarily all at the same time thank goodness) and still liked me. They helped develop my self-esteem and my ability to nurture friendships later on in my life. I have an easy relationship with them, it feels so easy to pick right back up where we left off even if it has been over a year or sometimes two since I last talked to them. I absolutely LOVE getting Christmas Cards and pictures of their kids now. I helps me feel connected to them. That is very important to me, I think I would feel that I lost a piece of myself if I lost contact with anyone of them. So, Deanna, Sherrie, Brad, Maureen, Troy, Laura, Leanne, Kendall and Carmen; Here's to you! It's a shame I can't see you guys more often and I'm sorry that I suck at keeping in touch. Just remember that I do think of you even if I don't talk to you near enough. Sometimes 2000km is just too far.

I can't say enough about the friends that I have in my life on a daily basis now either. We are all in our mid-thirties and have a lot in common. We are lucky in that our husbands all get along as well so not only do we have a blast hanging out with just the girls (drunken golf and long boozy sushi lunches) but we have just as much fun doing things as couples (like camping and guitar hero parties and ski cabin fun). Not only are they an endless source of entertainment, I also feel that they have my back and would help me out if I ever needed them. Like, to post bail, or hold my hair back while I hurled. That's the kind of friends I'm talking about. The "there for you" kind. So, here's to Cindy, Jen & Cara. I hope each and every one of you will be in my life for a long, long time. You girls rock.

To Karen and Kerry Anne, you have been a part of my life since I was just 19 years old and seen all the good and bad that goes along with (eventually.. I think) growing up. Regrettably we may not be as close as we once were, but I still hold your friendship close to my heart and know that you would help me out if I was ever in a bind and I would definitely do the same for you. Lifers, that is what you are. (aren't you lucky?)

Okay, enough with the sappiness. You're all probably gagging from all the sucralose being poured out right now. Question is...who's going to hold your hair when you hurl?

I would love to hear about who your dearest friends are and why they mean so much to you. If anyone is interested in leaving a comment on this blog, just press the (0) Comments (well that is what it usually says) and it will direct you to a space where you can leave me a message. Easy peasy.

40 Candles! Quick! Someone call the Fire Department

2008-02-19T19:12:00.000-08:00

My sister turned 40 two weeks ago. It was a pretty big deal to her (obviously, hello? 40!). To show her some support Mike and I drove the 12 hours to Edmonton to surprised the old girl on her birthday. Boy was she ever surprised!

It's a blurry picture becuase she was jumping up and down. An old girl like that ought to be careful, a little slip and BAM! All of a sudden you're on the floor with a broken hip yelling "Help! I've fallen and I can't get up"! Take it easy is all I'm saying.

One thing you can count on is the cold weather on the prairies during the winter. We weren't disappointed.

In case you can't make it out, that reads minus fucking 30. Ass biting cold!

We were able to go to Calgary to visit with Mike's boys for the day on Friday. We had a great time and went out to eat, TWICE and also went bowling. It was a good day. I can't wait to see them again at Spring Break. I just wish I hadn't forgotten my camera or I would have taken a couple of pictures.

On Saturday we went into the city and went to IKEA. Yay! I don't know what it is about cheap Swedish furniture, but it gets me hot and bothered. We were also able to visit my Grandma Biggie and my Grandpa Glen who moved to Edmonton from Saskatchewan a while back. It was a nice visit and Grandpa was doing quite well. He is definitely starting to show his age and can't remember who the hell anyone is anymore, but DAMN can he play a mean came of Cribbage!

Aren't they cute? Grandma fed us cookies. Got to love that! After that we went to Red Lobster for dinner. My favourite restaurant EVER. Good thing it's the birthday girl's favourite too or I might have had to be mean and make her go there even if she like another place better. I'm pushy that way. And yes, it still is all about me (see previous post).

We left early Sunday morning and had quite bad roads all the way home. They went from shitty

To shittier,

To...What the fuck are we doing on the road? And I seem to have imbedded my fingers into the dash. Damn!

Driving through Jasper, we got to see a ram just walking down the middle of the road. Not a care in the world.

Hey little buddy!

Mike got us home safe and sound and I was so glad to be able to share such a momentous birthday with my big sister. Also? I'm glad I'm not old like her.

Lets talk about me....

2008-01-27T19:50:00.000-08:00

Because I'm a middle child and that's what I like to do. Talk. About. Me. All the time. Of course the universe revolves around me. I'm sorry if you were led to believe otherwise.

The weight loss is going okay. Not as fast as I would like, that's for sure, but I have lost about 6 or seven pounds so far (it was 8, but then we had that drunken 80's party and well....). I'm still on track to lose the 15 pounds that I want to lose by Easter. The first 15 anyway. If I look at the big picture, I just want to jab a fork in my eye, so to maintain my sanity, I have broken my goal into 3 separate mini goals. One month almost down. I walk 4km in 45 minutes every lunch hour on the days that I work, so it usually works out to 4 - 5 times per week. Then every second day I do the Biggest Loser workout. Beginner routine, that is. I have even mastered the plank! And the side plank! And the static wall squat! I'm on fire! I can't even believe I have stuck with it this long. I usually have the the willpower of a marshmallow. That would be none at all, in case you were confused. So yay me, I'm proud of myself. Although I did reach my rock bottom, so I guess there was nowhere else to go but up. 5'2" and 180 pounds is a scary place to be. I don't recommend it.

One of the side benefits of exercising that I'm discovering is that I'm in a fabulous mood lately. I didn't even realize that I was so bitchy before (don't judge me - you would be too dammit - 180 pounds, fuck!). But now that the haze of bitchiness has lifted I feel so perky and optimistic. I'm thinking that Mike and the kids are in a state of bewilderment. Is mom on drugs? Do we walk softly while still carrying a big stick? Maybe this is just lure so she can get close enough to rip our heads off. Time will tell I guess, I'm just hoping this state of happiness hangs around for awhile.

Oh yeah, I also bought a new hair straightener. I am in love. The best purchase I have made since I bought the Arbonne skin care system. It's like I just look at the thing and poof! my hair is smooth and silky. Maybe that's why my mood has been so good lately. Good hair = good mood. Aha! I could really be on to something here. Moments that make you go hmmm.

I'll just leave you with that to ponder on for awhile...

Step into my DeLorian.....

2008-01-23T19:26:00.000-08:00

We're heading back to 1988! Oh yeah baby. Mike and I hosted an 80's party on the weekend. So. Much. Fun. I can't even tell you. The hair was big, the shirts were large and belted and the leggings were tight. We even had lace socks with high heels and peter pan boots. You just can't get hotter than that. I mean, how can you not look hot with your hair standing a full foot off of your skull! And! Don't forget the eyeliner and the beads. We were totally authentic. We cranked up the eighties tunes and all turned back into irresponsible teenagers for the night. Oh who am I kidding? We do that every weekend. We just happened to dress up for this one. It wasn't just the girls who dressed up, although we were way hotter than the guys. We had a "Bobby" Ray Cyrus complete with a mullet wig and a dude with acid wash jeans and long luscious hair. There was also one guy who brought back the centre part and feathered back hair. I'm telling you, it was freaking hilarious. I highly recommend it. Some of the girls couldn't believe how easyily it was to remember how to get your hair so big. I leave you with a picture. Can you believe we had so much hotness in one room?

Biggest Loser - Day 2

2008-01-03T21:46:00.001-08:00

Three words....

Owie, Owie, Owie!

Biggest Loser - Day 1

2008-01-02T20:06:00.000-08:00

So today was my first day of the Biggest Loser exercise regime. What to say about that? Oh I know! Planks fucking suck the big one! I mean, come on! You are supposed to be face down on the floor supporting yourself with your toes and your elbows while at the same time, keeping your ass up in the air, but not too high mind. Fuck around! That is some hard shit. You are supposed to be able to hold it for 1 minute and then do it 2 more times. Ha! I'd like to meet the motherfucker that invented that exercise! I ended up doing it in 5, 10 second intervals. After I was done that, Mike was like - okay now you need to do it 2 more times. I buried him behind the shed if anyone's looking for him.

I am so out of shape! I was sweating like a trucker and that was on the BEGINNER routine! I sure hope it gets easier. The ass cramps must be worth something! ASS CRAMPS people! Fuck. *Wheeze*

Something has to be done though. I keep getting this feeling like someone is following me but when I look behind, I realize it is just my ass. It is creeping my out. I am being stalked by my own ass.

2007 Goodbye and Good Riddance

2007-12-30T13:00:00.000-08:00

2007 wasn't what one would call a "banner year" for me. Sure I managed to quit smoking. I got a new job as well. And that is about it for the good stuff. It was a pretty lame ass year for me. In fact, I am so looking forward to 2008 I can't even tell you.

For me, 2007 will forever more be known as "The Year of the Chub". I am starting the biggest loser exersice program on January 1. What? I really,really mean it this time. As opposed to all the other times this year that I said "this is it!". I can feel the determination in my bones, not to mention my newly aquired back fat. What the fuck is up with back fat anyway? I just don't like it. At all! So here's to 2008 - Where backfat will become a thing of the past and I will discover that I have a six pack (and I don't mean of beer, either).

So wish me luck. Okay, honestly, wish my family copious amounts of patience and understanding while I make their daily life a living hell.

2008 - Just can't wait. (That's for the cheese factor)

Winter Driving Sucks Ass

2007-12-10T17:56:00.000-08:00

I have a bit of an issue with winter driving. The main thing is, I just don't like it. Never have. I get myself in such a tizzy when I see one little snowflake fall and I know I have to drive somewhere. Yes I know that it's not that hard and experience only make you better, yada yada, yada. This will be my 21st winter driving and I still don't like it. I may have reluctant experience but I am so far from confident it is a joke.

I think my fear started when I was 16, first year with my licence. I had to drive my Dad's truck to Tisdale from Star City. It was blowing pretty good that day and when I came to the Doghide River (I think that was the name of it - it has been so many years though now - the old memory just ain't what it used to be). There used to be a cement bridge that was arched. Anyhoo, the snow had made a large drift at the beginning of the bridge and when I hit it (probably going 100 km/hr because that is what the sign told me to go, dammit!) I totally lost control and went from one side of the bridge to the other (without hitting it, mind you) and then slamming into the ditch right into someone's front yard. I put a big dent in my Dad's truck door and I was so shaken. I managed to drive the rest of the way to Tisdale with tears blurring my vision as I imagined what kind of damage my Dad would do to my ass. Thankfully he was understanding and didn't give me hell, but he did make me drive home that night - get on the horse that bucked you off and all of that. This was the only winter accident I have ever had so I'm pretty sure that this is where my fear comes from. A fear of vehicles that can actually do things you don't want them to do in the winter.

Today I was supposed to go to Terrace to a course for work. I would have had to drive by myself in a little company car. The road to Terrace has, for a large part, the Skeena River on one side of you and a rocky mountain cliff on the other. Good fucking times. I checked the road report (freezing rain with compact snow with slippery sections) and the weather report for the next 24 hours (snow, snow, snow). I had to fess up to my supervisor at work today about my "little problem" because I wanted to throw up every time I thought about having to make the drive.

Now, everyone at work knows just what a moron I am truly am. It was only a matter of time, my friends, only a matter of time. You can only suppress what a freak you are for so long before it has to come busting out.

Oh Christmas Tree (Why are you so ugly?)

2007-12-06T19:58:00.000-08:00

Last year after I set up the Christmas Tree I swore I was going to buy a new before I ever had to put it up again. As you can see, "Old Ugly" is still around. Partly I guess because I'm lazy, partly because I have better things to spend $200 just before Christmas and partly because next year we might be in a different house and I want to make sure I get the right size for the next house. When we packed up the house to make it more clutter free we also accidentally took the box with the ornaments to the old farm house as well. So not only is my tree ugly, it is also fairly naked.

I set up the tree on Sunday. It wasn't a good day. I made The Boy go under the crawl space to get the tree because he's short and small and while I am short, small I am not. I was afraid I would get stuck and have to live in the crawl space. If that happened I wouldn't be able to go to work anymore and my family would have to bring me food and water and entertain me all the time so I wouldn't get bored.....say? what was I thinking? That sounds like a damned fine plan. Well I guess there is always next year.
I made a trip into town to buy lights, becuase I remembered that the two sets I had last year didn't quite match, and I'm a very matchy kind of girl. While I was there I bought a couple of packages of gold coloured garland and some gold coloured balls, see? matchy, matchy! Anyway, I get everything home and plug the lights in. What do you know! I accidentally bought the kind that flash at whatever sequence you desire. Groovy. Me and Girlie were enjoying the Redneck Light show, when POOF! The damed think blew up. Fuck me! Now the tree has different shades of "clear" lights and only gold balls, bows and garland. Oh! don't forget the gold angel on top. PLUS! It is a short tree. A short, gold, light challenged, ugly tree. Sigh.

Towels

2007-11-14T16:28:00.000-08:00

I have this "thing" with towels. More specifically, how the towels are folded. They need to be folded in half, and in half again and then in threes. I don't know why this concept is so hard for some people (namely Mike) to grasp. Actually I'm pretty sure that Mike folds them wrong on purpose just so he can get out of doing that job. Whatever. The point I'm trying to make is that it is imperative that the towels in my house are folded the correct way or I start to go a leetle bit crazy. I get all jumpy and twitichy if I know that there are towels in the cupboard that are not folded right. Call me kooky, call me insane, call me Shirley. I really don't care. This is just one (okay, of many) quirks I have.

Today, Girlie learned the fine art of towel folding - and she mastered it. Cue the "Hallelujah Chorus"! She is obviously my flesh and blood. Someone other than myself can now fold the towels. Oh Happy Day! I think I'll go watch her for a little while. Sigh. My heart spilleth over.

October is Over??? What the Hell?

2007-10-31T18:38:00.000-07:00

I can hardly grasp the concept that tomorrow will be November already. Just where did the month of October go? I know it was here, I have the monthly bills to prove it, but damned if I can remember much of it. There were of course a few choice moments that stand out. The fact that Mike DID eventually make his way home. That really made me happy. I had just about had it with dealing with all the shit that comes with him being gone. After he got home we were REALLY (and I do mean really) busy getting the house ready to list. What? Didn' t I tell you? We be a movin. To an old farm house (more on THAT later) for a bit and then, hopefully, to town. And by town, I mean Smithers. We (which usually means "I") scrubbed and polished this house until it shone. I now have to wear sunglasses when I'm at home. It's that clean. I even took a toothbrush (maybe it was Mike's and maybe it wasn't - I'll never tell) to the window sills to clean the tracks. We also took loads and loads of stuff ( and by stuff, I mean a lot of junk we don't know what to do with) to the farm house so our house would have that spacious feeling that the Realtors are always pushing. And while it is clean and clutterless, it is also a daily job just to keep it that way. I.AM.EXHAUSTED!!! I am taking a week off work in November. I was going to use it to spruce up the farm house, but frankly I think I'll just spend the whole damned week in the bathtub with an excellent book and a beer or two.

Tonight is Hallowe'en and I am thinking about my Grandpa Elmer. Today is his birthday. He would have been 87. Wow. He died 15 years ago in November. I can't believe he has been gone that long. My kids never got to meet him, and that makes me sad. He was a BIG drinker and he liked to pinch the ladies boobs - but we loved him anyway. Every year my Grandpa and Grandma would have a great big party. People would drop in and out all evening and well into the night. Grandma would make a turkey with all the fixin's as well as her famous popcorn balls, while Grandpa would hold court down in the rumpus room that usually held a couple of tables full of 10-off rummy or guts players. I loved Hallowe'en. It was a family holiday through and through. Now? Hallowe'en has lost it's shine. I sit here on the computer while Mike watches TV in another part of the house and my own kids are trick or treating with their friends in town. I get irritated when I have to run up the stairs to give out treats to a bunch of kids who can't even take the time to say thank you. But probably I am just irritated because I sit here alone during a holiday that used to mean so much. Sometimes reminiscing can really make you sad.

Disappointment Squared

2007-10-10T20:06:00.001-07:00

Tonight I am kind of sad. Mike was supposed to come home from his hunting camp (where he has been for the past 6 weeks) on Monday. The float plane couldn't pick them up because of the bad weather. Tuesday they tried again - no luck. Wednesday they at least got the hunters out but there wasn't enough room for Mike and the guides and the float plane couldn't make another trip because of the goddamn weather. You suck, weather! (imagine me shaking my fist to the ceiling). Hopefully he will get out tomorrow because if he doesn't I might just have to cry a little bit and I don't like crying - it makes me look really ugly.

The hunters that came out were the ones that were delayed going in for four days prior to the hunt. They really got on my last nerve. I'll call them The Two Shitheads, Rat Bastard and Give Me A Fucking Break! They all missed their flights yesterday so I had to drive out to the airport to have everyone's flights rebooked. One of the Two Shitheads wife kept calling me and complaining about them not getting home. Like calling me everyday and leaving me 4000 emails and wanting to know if they will get reimbursed, etc. I don't have the patience for The Two Shitheads or their wives. Sheesh. They got back to town and then had me and our expediter running all over town for coolers and duct tape and bubble rap and hamburgers. Sigh. Now on the other hand The Two Shitheads were a piece of cake compared to Rat Bastard and Give Me A Fucking Break. I also rebooked their flights, but they didn't want to fly out tonight (whinier than a two year old), so they expected me to rearrange their flights for them, I gave them Air Canada's number and to them to Fuck Off. Not really, but I wanted to. They are scheduled to leave tomorrow morning. In a secret sick kind of way, I sort of wouldn't mind it if their flight gets fog delayed tomorrow just so I could smugly say "Should have listened to me sucka!" Really though I think I will just be glad that they are leaving town. Hell, even better - leaving the country.

Mike better get out tomorrow because the lake where the float plane has to land is going to start freezing up pretty damn soon and they are getting low on food. They have already run out of firewood. Which is not as dire as it sounds as they are in the middle of a forest, but the have been having to chop down trees to keep warm. Their cooking propane is also starting to get low - not that Mr. Great White North couldn't cook over a wood stove but propane is so much easier. I guess I should look at it as it has already been six weeks, what is another couple of days, but I'm so disappointed.

I miss him. Sniff, sniff.

Pressure Cooker

2007-09-10T18:53:00.000-07:00

Watch out! She's gonna blow! At least that is what it feels like. I always used to love September. My parent's were farmers and September always meant excitement, hurry up and go and family dinners in the field sitting on the tailgate of the pick-up truck. I loved the whole shebang. It just didn't get any better for me. When I moved to BC I missed it so much and then when Mom and Dad sold the farm in the mid 90's I was devastated. I knew that the chances of experiencing another harvest would be slim to none. Now I know what Mom and Dad went through during that seemingly harmless month of fall - STRESS and alot of it! Not that I am a farmer or doing any kind of harvesting but since Mike is a guide outfitter and our whole livelihood depends one ONE month of the year, I can understand that probably harvest wasn't as much fun for them as it was for me.

Not only am I working full time (at a job that is sucking the ever-living joy out of me) but I am expediting for Mike. This basically means alot of running around in circles and shaking my fist at the heavens, shouting "Why? Why do you hate me?" There is just so much to worry about. Do I have the itineraries for all the clients? Who is picking them up at the airport? What if their hotel lost their reservation? Did I pick up the correct groceries (like 2 carts at a time) and get them boxed up and delivered in time? How are the clients getting to the floatplane base? What happens if their luggage gets lost? What do I do with the meat when they come out of the bush? Oh, so you shot a moose and want to take it home with you...but you don't have a cooler or any way to transport it? Lovely - let me take it home for you where I will attempt to hoist 200 pounds of meat into my freezer and then pack it all up in MY cooler so you can take some fucking meat home. Did I mention that I have to pack this heavy cooler UP some stairs and out to the truck and then HOIST it up to the tailgate - lovely sight, let me assure you. When do I need to pick up the licences government agent's? When am I going to be able to clean my house? When do I feed my children? Do I have enough liquor to get me through? All very important questions.

I've done this for five years now. I should be an old hand. Sadly, I think I get a little more panicked every year - I start hyperventilating in July just thinking about it. AND to top it all off - we are putting the house up for sale when Mike gets out of the bush. I'm seriously going to pop a vein. We are moving to an OLD farm house out in the country. I am excited about it, but the amount of work that goes into selling a house is getting me itchy. I am looking at our house with new eyes. Why don't we have laminate floor? I don't really like the stuff, but EVERYONE has laminate floor and nobody will buy our house without the godforsaken stuff. I have convinced myself of this. How about that goddamn burn on the ugly green arborite counter top (that I cleverly disguise with a butcher block cutting board). What about the hole in our bedroom door (that looks suspiciously fist shaped, but Mike - who originally bought this house with his ex wife - insists that a bed frame punched it while they were moving - whatever), what about the ugly mural in the laundry room that a previous owner painted (who in the H, E, double L paints a landscape in their god damned laundry room?). How about the fact that the whole house needs a repaint and I can so fit that into my schedule this month, never mind my budget - just so new owners can come in and REpaint it again! Never mind that the outside of the house needs washing and the yard needs some serious attention. I haven't even entertained the thought of packing up some o' my junk to make the place seem more spacious.

AND, to top it all off - I seem to be losing my hair. Fuck me. A round patch, at the front of my forehead (which may turn into a fivehead soon). There are now words. and I'm still flipping fat. Oh, yeah. Shellie and I are starting weight watchers today. Whoot! Can you feel my excitement?

On the up side, I haven't started smoking again. Which is a miracle in itself because I am so fucking close - I can't even tell you.

Fourteen Candles

2007-08-19T20:41:00.001-07:00

This is such an old picture of The Boy. He obviously does not like his picture taken very much. This is the only picture I could find of him by himself. I can't believe he turned 14 today. My God! I remember 14 - vividly. YIKES.

My boy is on a fishing trip with his step-grandpa right now. I really hate not having him here to celebrate his birthday with. I am sure he is having a blast catching all of those 20 pound trout and he is doing exactly what he would want to be doing on his birthday.

I am very proud of they boy he was and the teenager he is becoming. Some days I can even glimpse the man he will become. He is an old soul with alot of compassion. He is growing up so very fast into a dependable and solid young man. I can only hope that his remaining teenage years are kind to him and that he can look back on that time with affection and joy. He is very bright and quite sensitive. I know there will be broken hearts and unrealized dreams along his path and I hope they don't wear down his spirit.

He holds a special place in my heart. He was the baby that made me a mother and he is the child that I get to experience all of the "firsts" with (as well as make all my mistakes on). I hope the coming year will bring him everything he hoped for. I love you booger!

Happy 12th Birthday My Girl

2007-08-18T19:03:00.000-07:00

Girlie turned twelve today. I can't quit explain the way this makes me feel.

The first feeling that comes to mind is old. She's my baby, and she is twelve. I will don't ever plan on having more kids so I really cherish all the milestones that she hits. The first twelve years went so very fast, I know now that the next 6 will speed by equally as fast and before I know it she will be on her own. I am really trying to take everything in and commit it all to memory. She is at such a fun age right now.

The second feeling is pride. She is good girl. She is kind and considerate. She is respectful of her parents and (I hope) her teachers, too. She is helpful when I ask her to do something for me. She is eager to please but definitely has a stubborn streak (don't know WHERE she gets that from!). She likes her room messy and her food without onions. She is witty and fun to be around. She gets my jokes and can crack me up on a regular basis. She is quirky and gjggly. I love being her Mom.

Too bad that she had to spend the one day of the year that is her's to have to get braces on. I'm sure she will thank me for this VERY expensive present when she turns 18 or so. Happy Birthday my girl! I love you.

Fat Free

2007-07-20T18:46:00.000-07:00

I went to the doctor a while back because I had been experiencing some pain under my right rib cage that radiated into my back and upper right shoulder. I went for an ultrasound and although I don't have gallstones, my gall bladder is inflamed. So! She put me on a fat free diet for two weeks. She kept asking me "Are you sure you can eat absolutely no fat whatsoever, and I mean no fat for 2 weeks"? I reassured her over and over again that "Of course I could!" Whaaaa. What the hell did I sign up for?

Do you know how hard it is to eat absolutely no fat? I've been living on rice cakes, veggies, fruit and very lean meats. You would think I would be dropping the weight, wouldn't you? Sad to say not much more than a couple of pounds.

Because, beer is also fat free.

Yo!

2007-07-10T18:20:00.000-07:00

So it's been a little while. Sorry about that. I've been a bit busy. Eating and drinking beer and gaining a wee bit more weight. You know how some people write blogs to chronicle their weight loss? I've always been the kind of person to go against the flow. I wish people would start writing about gaining the flab, and then I will all be like "fuck that!, I'm not the same as all of them losers! I'm gonna lose weight and write about that instead!" Or something like that. So as you can tell, the South Beach sucked the big one. Apparently you have to follow it precisely...whatever. I have a bit of a problem when people tell me what to do. Just one more quirk that makes me so damned loveable.

I.Bought.A.New.Car. Yeah Baby! I am in LOVE! 2007 Jeep Compass in Inferno Red. It sounds so sexy! I keep trying to justify the purchase by the fact that I hated my old piece of shit so intensely needed to buy it before I went psycho on its ass and took a baseball bat to it. Funny story. When I traded it in (for a whopping 500 bones) the salesman got in and shut the door and pulled the door handle right off (so I really couldn't complain about the $500)

Here she is... TA DA! (Isn't she cute?)

My parents and my sister and her fiance came for a visit for the July long weekend. It was so nice having them here. We golfed a bit, toured around and ate alot. We got to show off the views and the wildlife. On Saturday, Shellie, Chris, Mike and I went quading with Mike's step-sister and her husband. It was SOOO much fun. We just bought the quad a couple of weeks ago and I have found my new favourite thing to do...ride in the bitch seat on the back of the quad and take in all the sights and not have to pay too much attention. And we got to drink beer - it was a good day.

Getting ready to ride again after a beer stop

The dam at Fulton Lake

So the weekend was fun and I miss them all now. When they left on the Monday, Mom and Dad took Girlie and The Boy with them to Kelowna for most of July. I was pretty sad to see them all go! It is a tad too quiet round these parts now! The kids, however, are having a blast using the pool at Grandma and Grandpa's (and getting a little spoiled too, I'm sure!)

Mike and I went camping to Babine Lake with some friends on the weekend and even slept in a tent!

Wouldn't you know it, we woke up to pouring rain on Sunday? Packing up a wet tent is not my idea of a good time. So I let Mike do it. We had alot of fun anyway.

Mike cooking over the fire

Frick and Frack our crazy friends

Later in the afternoon we took the new Argo for a ride around Mike's Dad's farm. He is getting it helicoptered in to his camp this weekend so we didn't have much time to play with it but it sure was fun while we could enjoy it. It goes over EVERYTHING! Even logs and swamps. Too much fun.

I have a couple of more weeks to work before we head to Kelowna and Calgary to pick up the kids and take a WHOLE week off of work. I cannot wait! Thanks for checking in and promise to update a bit more often than I have been.

Lard Ass in a Can

2007-06-16T15:54:00.000-07:00

So the diet is going good. I can feel the difference already and it has only been one week. I have made it halfway through the weekend without caving in and calling on my little buddy Molson so that's a good thing. However, it IS hot here today and I AM going to a bonfire tonight. We'll see. I am not known for my willpower that is for sure. I am getting pretty sick of eggs and lettuce, but I am fairly certain I can make it one more week without any kind of carbs at all. Next Monday morning I am sooo gonna have me some oatmeal though! For all of my American friends, that there picture is of the best beer. Evah!

Hitting the Beach

2007-06-12T17:57:00.000-07:00

I've come to the sad realization that my sister's wedding is in less than 3 months and if I don't do something about my huge ass now, it will be too late and I'll be wearing my bridesmaid dress like a sausage casing. I've decided to give the South Beach Diet one more try. Hell, I've only been on it about 10 other times. What's one more? It did work pretty well for me the first time. The other 9? Not so much. I never made past the weekend before I cheated and then just gave up completely. You can't drink any beer on this diet. That is my downfall. How can you golf without the beer? How can you camp without the beer? How can you do laundry without the beer? I love the beer, and well I have a huge ass to prove it.

So! No beer, no potatoes, no bread, no crackers, no rice, no sugar, no fruit. I'll be eating a TON of eggs and meat and cheese and almonds and butter and loads of veggies. Sounds easy, you may think. Trust me, it's HELL! Anyway I'm now on the clock and I will let you all know how I fared in two week time. I'm even making Mike take the scale away so I will have a nice surprise when I step on it again. Well, I BETTER have a nice surprise when I step on it again, that's all I can say.

Hell in a Handbasket

2007-06-05T20:43:00.000-07:00

What did I say about loving natural disasters? I take it back. If I would have thought even for one moment that my golfing days would be over for the foreseeable future, I surely wouldn't have been as excited as I was. Just look at this...

How in the hell am I supposed to go out with my friends to laugh and swear and drink beer now? I just isn't fair. Look at this shit,

fuck sakes!

Not only is the golf course flooded, there is water everywhere that there should not be water. Except my basement. Of which I am eternally grateful (Thank you lord Jesus!)

Our little town even made the "National News", and trust me, that's the BIG TIME!! Here are a few more flood pictures (not that they mean much if you have nothing to compare them to, but humour me)

This is the bridge at Telkwa

This is the Chicken Creek bridge at Dohler Flats. Chicken Creek, I shit you not. I told you I live in the sticks!

On the bright side maybe I'll lose some weight if I can't drink so much beer with my friends while I am golfing. Oh, who am I kidding, sitting around and speculatin' about the disaster we are experiencing is excuse enough for drinking some beer.

My Sister is a Saddist

2007-05-30T22:19:00.000-07:00

It sounded like such a great idea last night. Shellie and I were chatting on the phone, I was complaining (its ceaseless, really) about the size of my ass and how I can't even stand myself anymore. So Shell has this great idea. We need to start a running program. Well to clarify, I need to start, she just needs to pick it back up. I was like - Yeah man! I can so do that. Ha. She even got my kids in on it to police me and to report back to her if I didn't do it. As soon as I walked in the door after work today, Girlie was all "get out there and start running!" Little punk. She can go live with her mean Auntie me thinks. So run I did. Well walk-walk-run-walk-run-walk-walk - you get the picture. I.Was.Dying. My head just about popped off. I started seeing stars. Also, imagine my embarrassment as I'm running down Coalmine Road with my huge ass swaying behind me and meeting hordes of people coming home from work. Hey Shell? Or should I say "Be-yatch", I better wake up 5 pounds lighter tomorrow, that's all I can say!

There are just no words....

2007-05-29T20:24:00.000-07:00

Picture if you will...6:30 Tuedsay evening. My kitchen. Me in soap suds up to my elbows. Girlie working a dish towel like nobody's business. Song comes on the radio - me and Girlie look at each other. Hand are quickly dried. Mother and dauther are suddenly dancing around the kitchen slapping our asses and singing along to "My Humps".

I have sunk so low....

The River is a Rising

2007-05-24T21:24:00.000-07:00

The river that runs through my town is getting’ mighty high! We are on flood watch because we had 150% above the normal snowfall and most of it still has to come down them there mountains. Because I have never seen it quite so high, at least not in recent memory I thought I would take a walk around town and take a few pictures.

It is kind of hard to see in the light, but trust me, the water is flowing very, very fast.

There is all kinds of debris (mostly trees) floating down the river as well. I was able to capture this huge tree flowing very fast by me.

Again it is hard to tell, but it is at least 20 feet long.

And just to be nice, I’ll put in a shot of the park by the river. It is so pretty there.

I don’t know what it is about natural disasters, but I find it all very exciting. What the hell is wrong with me? Don't answer that.

I've Had a Bit of a Shitty Day...

2007-05-23T21:21:00.000-07:00

It all started at 6:30 this am when I went to turn the water on in the shower and NOTHING came out. fuck. So off I go to work with hair that is getting greasier by the second. I was starting to look like the Fonz (but without the thumbs up). Who needs hair gel? Just live in Telkwa and you are good to go! Then! just because God was smiling on me today, it just happened to be Welfare Wednesday! Joy! I don't even know how to explain my day at work except that the first time I looked up at the clock it was 12:00 and the next time it was time to go home. It was CRAZY busy. Now, let me be the first government worker to say that I have NEVER had a job so demanding as this one. The next time I hear someone dis the government workers for not doing anything, oooh, I'm gonna punch em in the freaking throat! Oh! and to top it all off? I get one of our homeless dudes asking me if I have any Indian in me. I say not a bit, and he says "Want some". PUKE!!! Okay, day is done, off I go home. I'm driving across one of our three stop lights and I look over and see this crazy lady walking against the light? How RETARDED! Rush hour in Smithers, come one! You are looking to get yourself killed! All joking aside, I looked back up and WHAM! right into the back of a Dodge Neon. fuck me. First accident in 19 years. The high point of the day was I didn't get a ticket, and I didn't lose any points off of my good driving record. Scratch that, there was no high point. The cops came and gave me my ticket the next day! Arrgh! The lowest point was when I realized that this little fender bender probably totalled my 1992 Chevy Blazer (piece of shit) because it is not worth more than , oh say, $500 fucking dollars! fuck! I hope you all feel really sorry for me!

Road Trip!

2007-05-09T19:27:00.000-07:00

I had to drive to Terrace on Monday for work. The drive takes about 2 hours (if you drive the speed limit - which I did because I was driving my work vehicle AND I was getting paid for it - so the longer the better, I say!). When I drove down (or is it over?) it was raining and sleeting the whole way. What the hell? Sleet you say? In May? That's fucked up. Yes indeed my friend, it sure is. Not only was the weather crappy but the radio reception was so bad sometime I couldn't even get CBC. I have to tell you how much I truly hate CBC. I only have to hear it for like, one second and I can tell I am listening to that utter shit. Seriously - what is up with the announcer's and the way they ALL talk alike, almost in slow motion or maybe they are all just stoned on some good weed - whatever. I.Hate.It! So! for my drive home today, I stopped in at the Wal-Mart (I love you Wal-Mart!) and decided I needed to buy some CD's to listen to for the drive home.

So here I am looking through all the Chart Hits and nothing is really screaming at me to buy it, so I go over to the next aisle and I catch a glimpse of...oh, my god! Could it be? Hallelujah! Alabama's Greatest Hits. What? I seriously think Alabama is the greatest band of all time (well right up there with Nazareth, Def Leopard and Bon Jovi in any case).

It was like porn for my ears! I sang all the way home. Good thing I was alone, that is all I can say. Mike would agree. But, beware Mike, next time you drive me home after I have had a few beers and feel the urgent need to sing, I swear you will agree that my rendition of "Song of the South" should be showcased on Canadian Idol - and not the "Worst Of" episode, either. I rocked the house Baby! If you know me and know how I am totally tone deaf you probably find this a little humorous.

"Song, song of the South, sweet potato pie and shut my mouth" Is that not some of the best lyrics you have ever heard? I don't exactly know what they mean by it, but DAMN! it sure is fun to sing. It will now be stuck in your head ALL day. Your welcome!

20 Pounds - Holy Freaking Shit!!!

2007-04-24T18:06:00.000-07:00

A few posts back I noted that I had gained 10 pounds after quitting smoking. Well as of today, I have officially gained twenty.freaking.pounds. What.The.Fuck?!? I haven't stepped on the scale for awhile, so imagine my stunned surprise. I should have known, it's not like my pants are getting tighter on me as a joke that they thought would be funny. Nope, no joke. My ass is large. Really, really large. In fact today I kept thinking someone was following me, but nope - just my large ass.

Well the buck stops here! I will NOT gain anymore weight. Not only will I not gain, but I will lose. LOSE! I TELL YOU!!! I'll let you know how it's going with "My Incredible Shrinking Ass" chronicles. I know you just can't wait to hear about my ass size, so stay tuned!

The Old Man and the Sea(food)

2007-04-04T19:26:00.000-07:00

We spent the past few days in Victoria on Vancouver Island. Mike had his annual Guide Outfitters convention. I was also my Dad's 60th birthday on Friday, so we convinced Mom and Dad to come over to spend it with us in Victoria. I'm sure glad we did. It was nice having Mom and Dad there to do touristy things with while Mike was in meetings all day. I got there two days before Mom and Dad did, so I was able to get my shopping fix taken care of without having to drag them around the mall oohing and aahing over everything I saw. When you live in the frozen north, far far from anything that resembles a mall, you kind of get overwhelmed when you are actually in one. SO! I bought, shirts! and Shoes! and Purses! and clothes for the kids. It was alot of fun. I even took the CITY BUS!!!! Okay, It may not seem like such a big deal to most people, but when you come from a town that has 3 stoplights it was kind of exciting.

We got to eat fancy dinners and wear fancy clothes and drink fancy drinks (okay, so now you know that one is not true - you can't get very fancy with beer, BUT I did drink it out of a glass - so I guess it was kind of fancy) and we got to sleep in a hotel and our room was on the 15th floor so we had a view and everything. We were living the high life!

Mom and Dad flew down on Thursday night so we were only able to see them for a short time in the evening when we went out for dinner at The Old Spaghetti Factory. I love that restaurant. You get lots of food and it is really good. Dad's birthday was Friday and Mike was in meetings most of the day. Mom and Dad and I walked around the harbour and went to Madame Trusaud's Wax Museum which was pretty neat. We also took in a restored castle (which was awesome!) We rode the CITY BUS!! to that too. This one was a double decker and Dad decided he would probably not get another chance (because he is 60 after all) so he headed on up to the top deck. And then like the yokels we are, Mom and I had to yell up to him when it was our stop. But the castle was so cool. It is called Craigdarroch Castle and was originally a private residence. The owner, who in 1908 had $20,000,000, had it built. That's ALOT of money in that day and age. Then we wandered around the city and found a Gelato Store that had 66 Flavours of Ice Cream. You heard me - Sixty-freaking-six! We were in awe. We even had to phone Mike on the cell and make him come find us because we couldn't believe our eyes!

Funny story, while we sitting on the sidewalk cafe eating our icecream I was showing Mom some pictures on my digital camera. She was looking at them and then handed me the camera back saying that she just got to a picutre of some guys in suits. It turned out the men in suits was a picture from the wax museum. She thought it was a picture from Mike's convention when in fact it was Jean Cretian, JFK, Nixon and Deifenbaker. Oh man, did we bust a gut!

THEN! we went for some seafood for Dad's birthday dinner. Now when I say seafood I mean, sea!food! We had platters with lobster, Alskan king crab legs, halibut, lobster stuffed mushroom caps and prawns! I even took a picture because it was so unbeleivable delicious. No, we don't get out all that much.

On Saturday Mom and Dad and I toured the Royal BC Museum, which is a pretty cool place. They cover everything from dinosaurs and animal displays to pioneer times. After that we sadly said good bye. Mike and I had to go to his banquet and we were flying out early the next morning. Mom and Dad went and ate some MORE seafood (do you get the title now?) and Mike and I had another fancy dinner and I even got to wear heels! We had to get up at 3:30 the next morning to catch our flight home so we had a very ealy night.

I hope Dad doesn't get alzheimer's too soon so he won't forget his awesome birthday for awhile!

I am a Slacker (But a "Blessed" Slacker)

2007-03-17T21:37:00.000-07:00

I have been soooo lazy lately. This quitting smoking thing has really sucked the life out of me. Either that or it is all the stress in my life that I was naively ignoring - until I broke out in Eczema all over my body. I look so hot right now - what with the eczema and the extra 10 pounds I have gained since I quit smoking. You should all feel so jealous!

Anyhow, back to why my life is blessed:

1) I have Mike who loves me very much and who I love equally as much. (AND he puts up with the extra 10 pounds and the ugly skin and the moody bitchiness that sometimes overcomes me!)

2) I have two parents that are STILL together after 40 years AND still love each other! AND they still phone me at least once a week. We all actually like each other. Amazing!

3) This probably should have been number one, but I am to lazy(see above) to move it to the top - I have two GREAT kids who are polite and mind their mother. Not to mention they have great senses of humour and still laugh when I burp really loud. PLUS they don't tell me to shut up when I am singing along to the radio. PLUS they still want bedtime kisses and "I Love You's" at night.

4) I have a great job. With great pay and great benefits. Great.

5) My sister is my friend. I am so puzzled when people tell me that they don't even talk to their siblings. I just don't get that. Shellie is one of only a few people that knows where I am coming from and gets my sarcasm for what it is - a feeble attempt at humour.

6) I was so lucky to grow up in a small town in Saskatchewan that gave me roots. A place that not only I belong to but my entire family (as far back as I can relate) belonged to as well. It gave me security, confidence and a value system that I rely on.

7) I have a great house and have made it into a real home. One that I am proud of.

8) I have the best friends anyone could possibly ask for. Some of which I don't see often enough or talk to regularily (Deanna, Sherrie, Karen) and some I see at least once a week (Cindy, Jenny) but they all me so much to me and I would do anything for anyone of them. I got your backs Babes.

9) I am healthy (well apart from the eczema, obesity and sporatic psychosis) and I am taking steps to keep myself that way.

There are a ton more ways that my life is blessed, but frankly I am just too lazy to keep on typing. I will really try harder to be a more frequent updater. Just so you all know - I is easy to leave me a message in the comments - just click on comments at the bottom of this post. I would love to know why your life is blessed!

To My Big Sister On Her 39th Birthday!

2007-02-05T18:56:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday Shellie! Can you believe you are 39? Holy freaking shit - you are getting old! It seems like just yesterday that you were bossing me around, oh wait, that was yesterday...just kidding. Seriously though, it doesn't seem possible that so many years have passed since we were little stubble jumpers growing up in good old Saskatchewan. Brings back memories, that is for sure.

Remember how we learned how to drive the truck in the field - when we were like EIGHT!!! I don't think girlie could even ride her bike when she was eight! And how we had to drive meals out to the field and we thought we were so cool because we were driving. On the grid road. And we were 12 or so? Good times!

Remember how we used to drive that old snowmobile of Dad's around and around the yard. Well, you drove it around and around, me and Darcie were usually dragging behind holding onto ropes. And you would try and hit all of those big, hard snow drifts? Good times!

Remember how we used to take that old tape recorder you had and have singing contests. To the Grease Soundtrack? Even though neither one of us could sing our way out of a wet paper bag. And you always declared yourself the winner? Good times! p.s. I found and old tape of us singing. I think it would be great to show your new in-laws your exceptional talent at your upcoming wedding. Oh yeah, baby - good times!

Remember in high school when you had all those cool clothes that Grandma liked to buy you, but you never let me were them? And one time when you stayed overnight at Grandma's and I came to school the next day wearing your clothes? And you beat me up in the hallway? Oh yeah - Good times!

But through it all - the good memories and the bad, I'm glad to share them all with you. I am lucky to have you for a big sister and I am even luckier to have you for a friend. Happy Birthday Shell! Love ya!

Yahooo!

2007-01-26T13:04:00.000-08:00

I got the freakin job! Can you believe it? I can't. I'm in total shock. Yes, as a matter of fact, I am a little bit lacking in the self confidence department! I wasn't even holding out any hope at all. I was resigned to the fact that I definitely did not get it. Who knew? Now I can give an even bigger sigh of relief. Now I just have to make it through the next week to make sure that none of the other applicants appeal the decision.

I tell you - 2007 is going to be MY year! I quit smoking, got a new job, my divorce *will* be finalized (that is a whole other blog entry). Who knows what else, but I can feel good things coming my way!

Interviews Suck the Life out of Me

2007-01-25T19:00:00.000-08:00

On Tuesday I had an interview for a new job. Not that I don't like my old job, I do. In fact I love it. Unfortunately it is only seasonal (Apr-Sep) and it is not permanent. They could decide to cut that position at any time and I would be out on my ass.

So back in OCTOBER(!) I applied on a full time permanent position with the provincial government. It is for the Supervisor of Administrative Services with the welfare office. I seriously think I am out of my mind. Anyhoo - I had an interview (ON TUESDSAY!!!). Count 'em - 3 months to be contacted for an interview. That is typical government speed. So the pay would be great and the benefits would be great but the stress level and work load are apparently quite horrendous. I really debated wether or not to even apply for the job, but I decided to go ahead and let fate decide.

I totally stressed myself out over the interview AND studied my ass off. If you knew me at all, you would find this odd, as I am a master procrastinator and always put things off to the last minute. I get to the interview on Tuesday thinking I am well prepared. I dressed up in a smart black suit and even remembered to use the lint brush right before I walked out the door. I though I had it in the bag. My interview was schedule for 9:00. They asked me four questions. Four retarded questions. That was that and I was out the door in 20 minutes! I totally bombed. I mean really! What the hell! Here is one of the inane questions they asked. "Tell us about a time you received information or facts that affected decision you had already made". ???. Okay, maybe some people can think on their feet. I am not one of those poeple. I'm not really sure that they were after with that doozy. I spouted some mumbo jumbo about finding out procedures had changed after I had followed the old ones. Pretty sure I bombed. Anyhow, I still can't think of a good example.

I am soooo glad I can relax and breathe again. My head is no longer a light shade of purple. Stress sucks and interviews suck even more. I don't think I will do another one of those for a while.

If I actually get this job it will be a miracle.

Disneyland Rocks!

2007-01-13T14:28:00.000-08:00

I'm slacking off on my updates. Actually I'm just now over my exhaustion from all of our travelling. We left Kelowna on December 27th enroute to Calgary where we would embark on our trip to Southern California. The roads were good until we hit the Rockies. After that they were pure hell. Cars in the ditch everywhere! However, we made it safe and sound and spent the night at the swanky Travelodge in Calgary South (so far from swanky, I can't begin to tell you! The bathtub would not drain, and I can't even begin to imagine what was plugging it up). We had a three hour flight to LAX and then waited another hour for our shuttle bus to take us to the hotel. By the time we checked in it was midnight. We were all starving and tired. Not a good mix. Not to mention that I had my last cigarettle ouside of the Los Angeles International Aiport. I thought it would be a great time to quit. Is there ever a good time to quit? So I was dying for a smoke as well. We ended up ordering mediocre pizza and chicken strips for J.

The hotel we stayed at was awesome. We stayed at the Marriott Residence Inn Maingate. They are 8-plex condos with full kitchens and your own private entrance. They even had a sepatate bedroom with two queen beds. Mike and I ended up on the hide-a-bed in the living room. That way we could watch what we wanted on TV and the kids could watch what they wanted on theirs. The only drawback was that there was only one bathroom, and one bathroom and six people does not always work so well. The hotel has an outdoor heated pool which the kids lived in and two hot tubs. One of which was right out our door. Mommy liked that! The hotel offered a full buffet breakfast every moring as well, so we filled our boots with eggs, bacon hashbrowns and french toast every morning! You would have thinked we would have gained weight on the trip but we walked out asses off every day. The first couple of days, me and the kids were so sore we had to rely on the magical qualities of Advil.

Disneyland was awesome. The kids went on all of the rides and even tricked me into going on Big Thunder Mountain. Big should have been my first clue, Thunder should have clinched it. I was had. It as rollercoaster! I don't do rollercoasters! I get motionsick so easy and as you all know, I have a phobia about vomiting, so needless to say, rollercoasters are not on my list of 100 things! After I got off, I thought my head was going to explode. No doubt from my bloodpressure going through the roof! Needless to say, I heeded all of the warnings about motionsickness from then on! I don't know how they do it, but it smells SO good there. I have a theory that they pipe in yummy odors, but I could be wrong. Needless to say, it really IS the happiest place on earth! My favorite part of the whole place was Pirates of the Carribean. It was so cool! We spend 3 full days there and I could have stayed longer.

We also spend 2 days at California Adventure. Pretty cool place, I must admit. The kids went on all of the rides there, even California Screamin and the Mali Boomer. Insane is what they are! Mike also went on the Mali Boomer and it said it scared the shit right out of him. They strap you into a seat and shoot you straight into the air, and then yo-yo you back down. Fun times!

We spend they other two days of our vacation at Sea World and Universal Sudios. I didn't care too much for Universal Studios. I admit that I did enjoy the backlot tour, but since I don't do rides, there is not much else for me to do there. The Waterworld show is pretty cool, though. Especially since it only involved me sitting in a stadium and watching a stunt show. Sea World on the other hand was very cool! I loved the Shamu show as well as seeing the walruses and dolphins perform. I also loved the polar bears and beluga whales. We had a bus driver on drugs that day though. On our way back to Anaheim he missed the entrance to the freeway TWICE! We were on the bus for about an hour and the kids were like "Where are we, are we almost home?" and I said "We just passed Sea World -AGAIN".

So we had an awesome time. The kids were at the perfect ages to take them (13, 12, 11 and 10). They will remember the trip for the rest of their lives! The crappy thing was how expensive everything in the parks were. A bottle of water - $3, a churro - $3, a pop - $3, a cookie - $3. You get the picture. I was 3 dollered to death. Easy to do with 4 kids all dying of hunger and thirst. Also, had we known, we would have picked a different time of the year to go. Apparently the days right before New Years are the busiest days the parks have ALL YEAR! They even sold out on New Year's Eve. We elected to bring in the New Year in California Adventure since it is typically less busy than Disneyland. I don't think it would have mattered where we went, since we were crushed by a crowd there too. AND the fireworks weren't nearly as good there compared to the once we saw over the trees at Disneyland.

We flew home on the 5th of January. Our flight was VERY turbulent for most of the way, especially as we made our desent into Calgary. Not my idea of fun at all. I hate turbulance. By the time we got our luggage, proceeded through customs and found the truck it was already 5 o'clock. Then we had to drive the boys home (on the other side of the city). We dropped them off at 6 and headed to Wetaskiwin to spend the night at my sister's. We finally got there at 9 pm. They waited supper for us, so we were all pretty hungy. My sister made her world famous lazagne, which was much appreciated as well as supplied me with liquor, which is also much appreciated. We left there in the morning and headed out on horrible roads. 15 hours later we made it home. The drive should only take 12.5! The first couple of days back, all I wanted to do was sleep!

Anyway, I would do it all over again in a heartbeat if I could have just one more day in the Magic Kingdom! Maybe that yummy smell is just a method of brainwashing people!

Christmas in Kelowna

2006-12-24T12:39:00.000-08:00

We've been at my parent's since the 20th of December. I'm pretty sure they will heave a huge sigh of relief when we back out of their driveway on the 27th. 7 days is a long time to stay at anyone's house, never mind the 4 extra littler bodies we brought along as well. Thank God they have a big house, that is all I can say.

We are not planning to much for Christmas Eve. We are just going to make a bunch of appetizers and play some games. The kids should have fun though.

Girlie is having trouble with nosebleeds last night and today. She ended up getting some on the new comforter on the bed she is sleeping in. So we are washing it, but you know how they always end up bunching up in the wrong places once they have been washed.

Mike's son J has been proving to be another royal pain. He is allergic to everything. Dairy, Eggs, Sugar. The list goes on, but those are the main ones and the ones that make it so damn hard to cook for him. More added stress for Mom. Like I said, they will be waving with glee on the 27th!

The kids are pumped for Christmas morning and have actually been doing everything we ask them to do. Bloody Amazing! I wish Christmas was all year round. Beds would get made, dishes would be put in the dishwasher and there would be no squabbles. Dream on, I know.

We are heading to Disneyland on the 28th of December until the 5th of January. None of us have ever been, so we are all pretty pumped up. We are also planning on doing Sea World and Universal Studios. We will be the bumpkins wondering around with our mouths hanging open at all the wonderous sights we have been promised in the brochures. Mike's son J is bound and determined that he is also going surfing. He does not understand that it will not be 80 degrees there in December. Maybe he will have to learn the hard way. Unfortunately the little bugger packed along a wet suit. My problem is deciding what to pack when we go. I know it's not going to be hot down there, but it will be considerably warmer than here. We are used to about 20 degrees Farenheit and I undersand it will be about 40 degrees warmer there. I guess we will wing it. I'm bringing our summer coats and no shorts, so hopefully I am leaning in the right direction.

I hope everyone has a fabulous Christmas and a smashing New Year's. I will post about our trip when I get home!

I'm Weird

2006-12-15T16:00:00.000-08:00

Some of you already know, and some of you probably don't know that I have a few weird traits that make me who I am.

I have a deadly phobia about vomit. Weird, I know. I told you! It's not that whole "I'll get sick if you puke infront of me" thing that alot of people have. I literally have the heart palpitation, breaking out in a cold sweat and trying to run as fast and as far as I can from anything that resembles vomit thing going on. It is a debilitating phobia to be sure. I am afraid to fly - I mean, come on, EVERY seat has a barf bag. The odds are not good people! I am afraid to take a cruise or even go on a ferry (I've heard the horror stories of rough seas). I can't be in closed off places incase someone gets sick and I have to run somewhere far away. Middle of the movie row - forget that! It is not even just being around someone who is sick, the thought of myself vomiting almost throws me into fits! Needless to say, I don't do it. Mind over matter, it can be done! I can only remember vomiting 4 times in my entire life (I'm 36) so it is a very rare occurance. The last time was 10 years ago when I got sun stroke. I ALWAYS wear a hat and stick to the shade now! I really need to do some research on this because I would dearly love to get this monkey off my back!

Another weird thing about me is I can roll my stomach. It is a skill I have had since I was a child. It is not a pretty site. I am 10 pounds, okay 15 pounds, overweight and the sight of my big belly rolling up and down is quite disturbing. The kids used to think it was pretty cool, not so much anymore.

I can burp really, really loudly. Skill or weird - you decide. It brings me and the kids endless hours of enjoyment though.

I have a laugh that is very distictive. Some have called it a popcorn laugh, some have called it a cackle. Call it what you will - I laugh alot! I throw my head back and let loose. People pick me out of a crowd just by listening to my laugh.

One last thing - I'm scared of the dark. I can't STAND it when it is completely pitch black. So I need a night light - at 36! Definitely weird. My kids haven't needed one since they were 5!

Okay, okay - one more. I am completely anal about how my towels are folded. They need to be in half (long ways) in half again (same direction as before) and then in threes. Nobody but me is allowed to fold the towels. I know, in the big scheme of things what does it really matter, but I get a little snaky if I know they are in the cupboard and not folded right. Sigh.

I am weird!

Large Marge Lives In My Backyard

2006-12-14T20:13:00.000-08:00

A cow moose has taken a liking to my backyard. I affectionately named her Large Marge the Moose because she is sooo big. Bigger, at least, than the usual cow moose that have visited us over the years. She has taken a real liking to the willows surrounding our yard. I wish it would end there. She also likes my ornamental cherry tree. Alot. There is no fazing her either. There she is muching on my cherry tree, while I am yelling at her to go (as I hide in my carport), and all she does is give me this bored look like she is saying, "Pullease! I am Large Marge - I will eat cherry trees all day, now begone!" We also have a deer hanging around. I haven't actually seen the deer but there are alot of tracks. The deer also likes my cherry tree. If anyone knows of an effective way to keep deer and moose away from ornamental trees, please leave a note in the comments!

I went with a friend today to scope out a puppy that she was thinking of buying. She was so cute! Half poodle, half shitzu - I like to call it a shitty poo. My sister bred her cockerspaniel with a shitzu last year so she had a litter of cockashits. I crack me up. Anyway, I digress. My friend fell in love with the puppy and paid for her on the spot. She was the runt of the litter and soooo cute. Now she just has to explain the $350 to her husband. Let's see how creative she can get. She gave the breeder $100 cash and a $250 cheque so I am pretty sure she will be telling him the puppy only cost $250.

My sister used to play a little game like that with her ex-husband. If she spend $50 on something she would only tell him it cost $20, and if she spend $100 she would say it only cost $50. Considering he is her EX-husband, I don't think that gig worked out too well for her.

Wow, moose, deer, shitty poos and mind games - I'm on a roll tonight!

I Am A Bad Mom

2006-12-13T18:29:00.000-08:00

I thought I had it all planned perfectly. The kids are at their Dad's this week. Girlie's Christmas concert is tonight. Only two tickets per student to give out. No problem! I was going to go to the dress rehearsal this afternoon and then her Dad and the Boy could go to the concert tonight. It would have been perfect. If I could, in fact, read. That's right, the dress rehearsal was yesterday.

I thought it was a bit odd when I got the the school at 1:10 and there were not alot of vehicles around. I went in anyway and browsed the Lost and Found table. Then I looked at all of the artwork around Girlie's classroom. Very creative I must say! I was afraid to ask at the office in case they recognized me for the loser that I am. I gave up at 1:30 and headed over to the A&W to use the phone. I told Mike to come pick me up there. I was pretty sure at that point that I had indeed gotten the wrong day.

Mike picked me up, we headed home and I once again read the notice that is hanging on my fridge. Yep. Dress Rehearsal was for Tuesday at 1:15. I am such a loser! I can't believe that happened. I usually have it all together! I. Always. Know. What. Is. Going. On.

Apparently, not so much. I phoned Girlie up after she got home from school and she was like, "So, how did you enjoy the dress rehearsal" Little punk! It wasn't as if I deliberately made a decision not to go. I told her I missed it and thought it was supposed to be for today. She said "Yeah I figured that!" Little punk! Then she had the nerve to say, in her punky little way "Well at least Dad will come to the concert tonight - at least one of my parent's will see my Christmas Concert". Okay, so she didn't have to make me feel like dirt, did she? Sassy little punk!

I feel so bad - I think I need to find the poppycock that my Grandma Ida made me (at least she still loves me) and wallow in my self pity.

Nothin' Says Fun Like a Fundue!

2006-12-11T18:37:00.000-08:00

We thought we would do something a little different for our Christmas Party this year, so on Friday we had two couples over for a fondue. They all brought their kids too, but since hot oil and children don't mix all that well, they were banished to the basement with pizza, pop and movies. Our last foray into the fondue world was 5 years ago when we were camping. Hot oil, a bunch of drunk people and a forest within burning distance. Seemed like such a good idea at the time! This time we were a tad more civilized and probably a lot more sober. Don't get me wrong - the beer and wine was definitely flowing, but we didn't start at noon like we do when we are camping! We ate like royalty and had a hoot. No one got burned or ended up in the hospital with food poisoning later that night. Phew, such a relief! That is one of my great fears - invite people over for dinner and end up poisoning them. We had 3 pots on the go which would have worked out perfectly had we liked the cheese one. No one did. It was the prepacked kind from safeway - kind of gross. It was a traditional swiss cheese fondue - I guess we are just not swiss enough. I don't know how they stand it - gag! So we were down to two pots - one with oil and one with vegetable broth. I liked the veggie broth the best, especially for cooking the prawns. We has way too much food, as usual. I would have hated to come up short! So on Sunday we had shish kebabs with the leftovers. It worked great! I really enjoyed the fact that I didn't have to come up with another meal idea! I hate serving the same things over and over.

My Christmas baking packaged arrived from my Grandma Ida today on the bus. Bliss I tell you! Lefsa, sweet lefsa, poppycock (which tasted just like her popcorn balls - sooo good), cinnamon twists and a Terry's Chocolate Orange for Girlie and the Boy. At the rate I have been chowing down latetly I should be ready for Penningtons (the fat girls store) by the time I get to Kelowna! Not really, so far so good on the weight gain - but knock on wood because I still have 2 weeks left of my feeding frenzy. I made buttertarts last week and thought that if I stuck them in the freezer, it would be out of sight, out of mind. Sadly, I like them frozen better than anything so the little buggers kept calling my name, and I kept answering.

For the love of God, why can't I crave vegetables?!

St. Nick Has Bit My Ass

2006-11-26T18:59:00.000-08:00

I wasn't going to put a tree up this year. We are leaving on the 20th so I didn't see any point. That was before the Christmas Spirit grabbed ahold of me. Funny how that works. Some years I just don't feel it at all. This year it is not even December and it has settled on my heart. Aaah, isn't that sweet?

The Boy made cookies this afternoon and while he was whipping it up in the kitchen, I got the urge to put up the Christmas Tree and listen to Christams carols. So that is exactly what I did. We have those mini lights, you know the kind. One burns out and half the strand is pooched. So I sent Mike to Canadian Tire and he rescued the day. Unfortunately now I have the top half of the tree with normal white mini lights and the bottom with blue-white LED lights. No matter, at least he tried. The kids got into the spirit too and before you could say Jingles Bells the tree was up and decorated.

We made chili for supper so we'll have a rootin tootin good time later tonight! Of course chili has onions so Girlie was not having any of that. She made mushroom soup instead. Onions are the bane of Girlie's life, and mine, since she make it miserable when I attempt to cook with the dastardly things. The kids go to their Dad's for a week tomorrow. I'll miss them that is for sure, but hopefully I can get alot done without them here. For sure we will be having dinner that includes alot of onions. They haven't seen their Dad since I went to Saskatchewan so it is good for them to spend some time with him.

I have been spending most of the last week making Christmas ornaments. They are time consuming as part of the ornament is cross-stiched, but they look so nice when they are done. I plan on giving them to friends and Mike's sister and step-sister for Christmas - along with some tins of baking. I found these incredible tin sets at the dollar store. Solid metallic gold, red and green. The biggest one is quite large and inside are three smaller ones. I plan on filling the biggest with poppycock, and the smaller ones with fudge, almond roca and chocolate truffles. That should make good gifts and I will stack them up and tie a ribbon around them and include the Christmas ornament at the top.

Christ, what in the hell is happening to me. I'm turning into Martha Freaking Stewart. Hell. Next thing you know, I will be making matching nightshirts for all of us to wear on Christmas Eve. Not bloody likely!

Oh, oh it's started - Quick, pull my finger!

Who Knew?

2006-11-22T13:09:00.000-08:00

I have been off of work since October 27th. I couldn't wait until I had some time off and I could stay at home. While I was working I thought about all of the stuff I was going to accomplish with my 2 1/2 months off. Organizing closets, fall cleaning, visiting friends. What I didn't count on was the endless hours that are in a day.

So far I haven't accomplished a whole lot. I've done some house cleaning and some baking...enough to gain about 5 pounds. Yikes. So where is the bliss I thought would be waiting for me at home? My day consists of waking Girlie up at 6:30 for her shower, making coffee, having a smoke (I haven't gotten around to quitting yet - that was another thing on my "to-do" list), making Girlie and Boy breakfast, making lunches, yelling at Girlie to hurry up (1/2 hour in the shower and another 15 minutes deciding what to wear), signing notices, shooing the kids out the door to catch the school bus. This brings me to 7:40. Sigh.

Then I tidy up, surf the web, check some emails and drink more coffee. I generally get a load of laundry in as well. So there is my morning. Fulfilling don't you think? This afternoon, I shook things up and made some unbaked chocolate cookies. Now I am back on the computer and it is only 1:15. Good Lord.

So what is on the agenda for the rest of the day, you ask? I plan on making a casserole for supper, possibly lasagne, cleaning the kitchen after the mess I made from making the cookies, watching Oprah and Dr. Phil. This should take me to 4:00 when Girle will get home on the bus. Boy needed his haircut in a serious way so he is walking to the barber shop after school. I gave hime $15 so I hope that is enough. Mike is going to pick him up at 3:30 so they should be home around 4:30. Girlie watches Little House on the Prairie everyday after school so she won't be alot of company until after that is over. Girlie has a sudden fascination with all things Little House. She is reading the series, watching the reruns, pretending her playmobile people are the Ingalls and enacts out various pioneer hardships with all of her playmobile sets. I'm sure she would change her name to Laura if she could. Not that I am complaining. Much more imaginative than Boy, who would spend all his time on the computer or in front of his X-Box if I would let him. He is getting a bit pudgy too. Not that I'm one to talk of course, but I am worried that his inactivity is getting out of hand. How does one go about getting their kids off their behinds and doing something that involves excercise?

I know alot of it falls on my shoulders, so here is what I hope will be a plan for our family's fitness. After the kids are done the dishes am hoping that I can get everyone to go for a walk in the evenings. Even if it is freezing cold and blowing snow. Which it is right now, by the way. Tonight I hope all of us can get off our tushes and take a walk to the library (it will only take about 40 minutes to walk there and back, but it is a start anyway). Let me know if you have any other great ideas for getting my family in shape.

Saskatchewan Part Deux

2006-11-18T19:09:00.000-08:00

On my last night in Tisdale I got to see my old friends Sherrie and Brad. Sherrie had been in Calgary for the weekend and had just gotten back that day. She came and picked me up at my Grandma's condo and she took me back to her place. She has two boys and a little girl who is two. The kids were so cute and so well behaved. The oldest boy looks just like his dad and their middle son looks just like Sherrie. It was so nice seeing them again. These are another two people that I had gone to school with right from kindergarten to grade twelve. In fact Sherrie and I knew each other since we were in diapers. We were both curling rink rats groing up together and our dad's curled together quite often. I had a couple of beers at their house and a really great visit. I just wish it was longer. It is hard to catch up with someone in only 2 hours.

The next day, Sherrie's dad drove Mom, Dad and I into Saskatoon to catch our flight. We ate lunch at the airport and then headed into security. We were 5 minutes from boarding our airplane when they came over the intercom saying there had been a security breach and everyone had to go back through security. Aaargh! Mom and Dad only had 1/2 hour as it was in Calgary to catch their flight to Kelowna. Thankfully they pushed everyone through pretty quickly and we were only a few minutes late taking off. They held Mom & Dad's airplane for them in Calgary so they were able to make their flight after all. I rushed to the security section and found Mike's son and his mom waiting for me there. We had barely enough time to get to our gate before our plane took off. We had and hour layover in Vancouver before heading to Prince George. Mike met us there and we headed out on our 4 hour drive home to Smithers. Mike's son and I slept most of the way, so we weren't much help looking for moose and deer, which there were tons of. Oh well, the drive went pretty fast for us and Mike never did end up hitting anything, so all's well that ends well.

Mike took his son out hunting everyday this past week but the only thing that they ended up getting was a grouse. His son enjoyed it though. Spending time with his dad and getting out of the city did him good, I'm sure.

Mike left today to drive him home. They are only going as far as McBride but the last 2 hours are in the dark so I worry as usual. Mike hit a deer on that stretch this summer, so I'm sure he is quite cautious. They will drive the rest of the way to Calgary tomorrow. My daughter is staying at Mike's dad's tonight so it is just my son and me holding down the fort tonight. It feels weird with just the two of us here. I miss Girlie when she's not here, even though when she is at home she talks non-stop and I always wish for a bit of peace and quiet.

The kids all went to see Happy Feet last night and thoroughly enjoyed it. Mike and I went out for dinner with 2 other couples who are our best friends here in Smithers. We ate at he Ironhorse and it was fantastic. The kids walked there after the show was done and we drove them to Jen and Jeremy's to hang out with all of the other kids while the adults headed on over to the Hudson Bay Lodge. We left there at 11:00 and all went back to Jen and Jeremy's and played a rousing game of spoons. We had so much fun. It has been awhile since we were all able to get together. Hopefully we can see more of them in the coming month.

I'm baaack!

2006-11-14T18:39:00.000-08:00

I made it back from saskabush in one piece. Getting there was a bit of a challenge but I eventually made it there. A day late and a dollar or two short. It was a fantastic trip though. My friend Deanna picked me up at the airport in Saskatoon in the middle of a snowstorm. What a friend she is! She took me back to her house which is about 30 minutes from the city. I got to see her new house, well new to me. They have been in it for about 4 years now. I had such a good time there. We went down to the local watering hole in the evening and ate some awesome wings and had a few beers. Her kids are all so sweet and quite hilarious. I was sorry to have to leave so soon as my sister and her fiance picked me up on their way through to Tisdale. The roads were very bad for most of their trip so they were all a little edgy.

We got into Tisdale at 10:00 at night and drove directly to the hotel that Grandma Ida had booked for us. You know how every small town in the prairies has a bar with a hotel rooms above it and you really didn't think anyone ever stayed there. You now know someone who has. It wasn't pretty my friend. We were led up this narrow stairway with carpet that was about 30 years old. As I'm thinking what in the hell have we gotten ourselves into? Anyway we were shown the room. Picture if you will, brown shag carpeting everywhere - even in the bathroom. The bathroom people! That is way beyond wrong! It had old radiator heating that clanked and banged all night. Joy. Anyway we survived the Tisdale Hotel, and how many people can truly say that?

The next day we went and decorated the hall for the 40th anniversary party. Which is what brought all of us here in the first place. The party went very well and alot of people showed up. Mom and Dad and David and Lynn all had fun and appreciated it alot (they had a double wedding with each other so we thought it would be great to do their anniversary together as well).

My friend Deanna came up for the anniversay so it was great to see her again. We ducked out for a half an hour or so and went to Kendall and Layla's and got to see some more people. Layla was having a girl's night out so we had a drink with them, I got to see Kendall and Layla's kids, who are huge by the way. Very tall little lads. We then went back to the hall and finished off the evening.

The next day Deanna phoned and said that they were coming back to town again! Got to love her. I phoned Troy and Laura and Kendall and Layla and told them that we would all meet them at the Star City bar. Layla couldn't come but Kendall and Troy and Laura and Deanna and Denis and I had fun anyway. I stayed at Deanna's parent's house. Her brother is building a huge beautiful house out at their farm, so Deanna and I sat in the construction zone and drank some more and talked and talked and talked. Until 5:00 in the morning! My Dad came and picked me up at 8:30 - I was very tired and probably still a little drunk! We went back to Grandma Ida's and had bacon and eggs. Shellie and Chris and her kids left after breakfast. I was sad to see them go. By this time my cold had gotten really bad. I had a bit of an asthma attack, so off to the emergency room we went. I left with a puffer, antibiotics and steriods! Very worthwhile. It was so good to be back in Saskatchewan. I miss it so much sometimes. I left in 1989 when I was only 19 years old. I haved lived in Northern BC since then but I still call Star City home.

Signs and Omens

2006-11-07T12:26:00.000-08:00

My trip to Saskatchewan is not going at all like I planned. First of all, there was no bus service to Prince George in the afternoon. The powers that be at Greyhound figured it wasn't profitable and cut it out. I had planned to take the afternoon bus and overnight in PG and fly out this morning. What do they say about the best laid plans....Anyway, I digress. The only other option was for me to get on the greyhound at 1:45 AM. That's right AM!!! If all went according to plan, I would have arrived in PG at 6:30 with tons of time to spare before I had to catch my flight at 10:30. Unfortunately, the bus gods were not smiling on me last night. I took a taxi into town at 11:00 pm and hung out at Boston Pizza where my friend was bartending. I drank a few beers and ate some appies. When her shift was over we headed to Tim Horton's for a coffee. Then she dropped me off at the bus station, well really, she dropped me off at the 7-11 because the bus station is even open at that ungodly hour. After she dropped me off I found out the bus was running late because the highway from Terrace was closed because of a major accident. The highway ended up being closed for more than 12 hours! After waiting until 3:45, we were finally told that the bus hadn't even left Terrace yet. I just wanted to lay my head down and cry, because at that point I knew that there was no way in hell I was going to make my flight, never mind that I was so tired that my eye balls felt like they were going to fall out of my head! So I quickly phoned the airline and rescheduled my flight. I called the taxi and he took me back home. Where I slept. Like a log.

So now I get to try and do it all over again today. I get on the bus at 3:45 pm and get to Prince George at 9:00 pm, where hopefully, I will sleep like a log once again. I have to be up at 4:00 or so in the morning to get to the airport 2 hours before my flight. Why in god's green earth they make you check in 2 hours before at the PG airport is beyond me. Ah well, the joys of air travel. Perhaps I should be taking this as some kind of sign that I really should not be leaving my cosy little house and trekking halfway across the country. The things we do for family.

Thank goodness my friend that is picking me up in Saskatoon is so understanding. I haven't seen her in 4 years but we have known each other since kindergarten. We both stood up at each others weddings. Old friends are definitely the best kind. I am also a bit nervous to see all my old friends as it has been so long since I was last home. Hopefully they missed me too and will take the time to see me. I will post when I get home in a week and update how my trip went.

Snow

2006-11-05T15:36:00.000-08:00

I am beginning to hate winter and it is only the beginning of November. I have a long 4 months ahead of me. Can you blame me, this is what it looks like at my house.

I did get some of the items check off my to-do list, so that makes me feel better. We had a little girl sleep over last night because her Mom had to work at 5:00 this morning. Glad it wasn't me. I can't imagine waking up at 4:30 and having to be awake enough to work at 5:00. Yikes! She was so cute though. It was fun having a little one around here for a change. My son is 13 and my daughter is 11 so they sure helped with the babysitting.

We watched "The Break-up" last night. It was good, but I hated the ending. I so wanted them to get back together. Tonight we are watching "United 93". I hope it is good. Time well wasted in any case.

I still haven't packed, but I finished the laundry so it won't take me long to fill the suitcase up in the morning. I have to be up at 6:00 anyway to get the kids ready for school and off to the school bus. I am hoping to be able to go shopping in the morning for a new pair of pants and possibly a new winter coat. I may just wait on the coat until I get to Saskatoon because the shopping will be a hell of a lot better there. We really have no shopping here. The Sears Catalogue is you best bet for getting anything at a decent price that doesn't fall apart after the first washing (like Saan or Zellers clothes do). Well, the dryer just buzzed so I am off to make up some beds. I never did shovel snow and it snowed again last night with more promised for tonight. Ugh.

Welcome to my Strand of the Web

2006-11-04T11:18:00.000-08:00

Okay, so this is my first attempt at joining the blogging world. I really have no idea what I am doing but it looks like fun, so what the heck. Plus, I am a major procrastinator and I needed an excuse not to shovel snow. Or do laundry. Or vaccumn. Okay, so maybe I am a tad lazy too. Ah well, Saturday morning and I have the whole day in front of me with nothing really to do. Don't you love free days like that? Endless possibilities and a to-do list a mile long that doesn't need to get done before Monday?

I have to leave on Monday to bus/fly halfway across the country to attend my parent's 40th wedding anniversary. It looks like it may to into a bit of a gong show, and I can see large quantities of liquor to get through it. My Grandma originally wanted all nine of us to stay with her and her boyfriend in their 2 bedroom condo...What the hell!!! I don't think so. So my sister, her boyfriend and I all sharing a hotel room. A bit better....except my sister snores. Joy.

So I leave on the greyhound at 4:00 in the afternoon and then overnight in PG. The next morning I have to fly from PG to Vancouver to Calgary to Saskatoon. My fiance can't come with me nor can my kids because I am too cheap to get all of us there. Actually Mike (my finance) is out guiding for mountain goats at the moment so he is not even around and my kids will be staying at their Dad's for a week. On the way back through Calgary I am picking up Mike's son and he will fly the rest of the way back with me. He will be staying for a week to go deer hunting with his Dad. See, I really do live in the sticks.